Today I went to the clinic in order to check on a problem that i’ve been having with my physical body for about a week or so. The problem i’ve been having concerned a bursted pimple which is located at the base of my spinal colomn, just next to the coccyx. Since about a week or so, the pimple bursted and there’s been a liquid consisting of puss and blood which have been seaming out of it ever since. The liquid flows constantly without any form of suture around the area of the wound, making it an open wound, and I have to continuously replace a cotton swab just to make it so that the liquid doesn’t stain my underwear. It is rather uncomfortable since I have to think about the ways that i sit whenever i am sitting down, in order to make sure that the cotton swab doesn’t move even if i have placed gummed paper around the cotton swab.
As I was sitting down waiting for the doctor to call my name, I was wondering on the gravity of my situation – not thinking that it was grave per say, but just wondering if it would mean that I would need an intervention such as an operation in order to remove the abscess completely. I have surfed the net prior to the visit at the clinic in order to get some information on my wound. There I found out that this type of wound, especially if it remains open, generally need an operation in order to remove whatever is causing the puss to form from within the wound itself. Thus, the necessity of an operation where a doctor would open the abscess, remove the material that is causing the formation of puss and then put a mesh of some sorts in order to make sure that the puss wouldn’t come out.
So, i was sitting down wondering about all this stuff when I finally got to see the doctor – after having waited for about an hour before being served because of a mistake that the doctor made concerning my family name ( he believed that my appointment had been cancelled because there had been a mistake in my appointment where it was believed that my sister was the one who was supposed to meet the doctor and not me… ). Whithin my appointment with the doctor, he determined that it would be best for me to take on a cream and some medication in order to see if they could heal my abscess. He told me that this type of situation would generally mean an operation, but that before we reached that conclusion, that it would be best for me to take a medication and a cream to see if it could heal the wound. After about a month or so, if the abscess is still there after having taken this method of treatment, then I would need to consider having an operation. The doctor warned me though that if I would need an operation, that it would mean that I would have to wait about 6 months for the wound to close. So right now, the viable solution is the medication and the cream he prescribed to me. I will see in about a month or so if I still need a medical intervention. For now though, I will use the treatment that the doctor suggested to me and hope that it will be enough to heal the wound.
Self-forgiveness on the harm done towards my physical body:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body through the usage of substances which are harmfull to my physical body.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to eat sugar in great quantity, not realising that sugar is harmfull for my physical body – therefore, i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek the pleasure as the energetic addiction/temptation towards and within the substance abuse of sugar, only so that I may experience a positive energetic experience within myself without considering the harm that the substance such as sugar creates within and as the physicality of and as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse substances such as smoking mariuana, only so that i could experience the energetic high that comes with the intake of that substance, not realising that through me taking on that substance, I allow myself to participate within energetic temptations/highs only so that i could experience the positive energy as the friction generated within and as the mind – within this, I forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that by me using substances such as mariuana, i allow myself to participate within the nature of the mind as energy and through this, I allow myself to continue on with the abuse of phisicality as life for the expence of mind generated possessions such as the positive entity that is generated through the intake of marijuana, which only lasts for a moment while the damage done to my physical body lasts longer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body through me taking on substances such as alcool only because of the addiction that I have generated within myself as the temptations of the mind, to within that temptation only seek personal interests/goals of experiencing an energetic experience such as the feeling of being drunk, which is a disgrace and a deliberate attempt at harming my physical body – within this, I forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that alcool is harming my physical body and that as such, is to be forever forbidden for it allows the abuse of the physical as life to continue with my allowed participation in the intake of alcool.
I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body through the peer pressure that is generated whenever i am within a situation where I am asked to take on such abusive substances as alcool only so that I may “fit in” with the group – within this, i forigive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bend in front of peer pressure whenever I am within a situation of abuse towards the physical body, where from within which I would take on the abusive substance such as alcool only so that I would “fit in” with the group.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to arm my physical body through me taking on excessive amounts of sugar even if my body is telling me to STOP within the awareness that sugar is harming my physical body – within this, i forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself from the common sensical reaction/words as the body telling me through pains of all sorts, that the abusive substance such as sugar is harming my physical body and through this, selecting to not listen to my physical body at the expense of the “high” that is awaiting me through the substance abuse of sugar.
I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately harm my physical body through the smoking of cigarettes because of the blind addiction towards nicotine which is an absolute harm towards my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek pleasures of the mind while being in total disrespect for my physical body, through me seeking highs from the intake of abusive substances such as marijuana rather than seeking to ground myself within and as the reality of me as the physical body as life – through the application of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application – within this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to “wait for things to get worse” before I decide to actually change in order to do what is best for all through me stopping my participation within the games of polarity as the mind, as the games of winners and losers and re-align myself to and towards the true nature of me as the physical as life as one and equal to all living biengs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the human physical body to be and become a disgrace to and towards life through me accepting and allowing such participation such as the intake of harmfull substances only so that I can reach new energetic highs at the expense of my physical body – within this, i forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the hights as the energetic experiences that i seek to have only hurts the physicality as me through the constant and continuous consumption of physicality as the energetic highs that I experience within and as my mind.
If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire for abusive substances” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as “I want sugar/marijuana/alcohol/abusive substances”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.
I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “desire” through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.
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