I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind to control how others would feel about themselves when within my company, whereas I would deliberately project myself as being happy, whatever the circumstances, only to ensure that others around me would feel happy too, because of being dependant on the energies of others wherein I usually mimic the emotions/feelings/behaviours of others in order to have a “feel” on how I “feel” within my relationship with others around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest within how I present myself to others, wherein I would usually present myself as a false image of what I feel within myself only to make sure that I would fit within what was expected out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the “energy mind game” with others when I am within the company of others because of wanting/desiring that others see me as being a “good/happy person” because of the belief that if I am not perceived as being a “good/happy person” when within the company of others, that others would reject me because of not having a lot of things to give of myself other than the “good feelings” that I would manipulate myself into being only to ensure that others would perceive me as being a good/happy person, while I would feel like shit when I would be back alone with myself – wherein I would feel the reverse effect of the projection of myself as being a “good/happy/energetic person” through me becoming all of a sudden “sad/lonely/negative energetic person” because of having used all of my energies to make others feel good about themselves through burning high amounts of physicality as chemical substances within my mind, wherein I would give “all  of myself as energy” only to realise that, when back with myself all alone in my apartment, that the effects of this participation within projecting myself as “high energy/good/happy person” generated the feelings of “sadness/depression” because of not having been given the amounts of energy I gave out to others and thus realise when back with myself, that I have burned myself out for others while not receiving the same amount of energy in return.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was playing within the polarity game of the mind through me projecting myself as having/being “high energy/good/happy person”, not realising that through me participating within this game of positive energy/projection as the mind, that I would experience the negative side of this projection as the “low energy/depression/sadness” that I would feel within myself when back with myself, all alone in my apartment through the realisation that I have burned myself out for other’s perception of me, which was all for naught because of always returning to the “low energy/depression/sadness” that I would experience within myself as being alone in my apartment with no one to share my energies with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the best that I have to give to others as the “high amounts of energy” that I can muster within myself for the benefit of generating a “good atmosphere” when around with others, wherein I would “energise my mind” prior to the moments where I would be seen with others, only to ensure that I would be perceived as having “high amounts of energy” as I have defined that state of myself as being the “best that I can give to others as myself” as a gift that I would force myself to project unto others, for the benefit of their good feelings and perception of me as being a good/happy/special person who has high energy thus is a good person to be around with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the desire to be perceived as being a good person to be around with, manipulates and controls me form within so as to become the projection of happiness/high energy even if that isn’t how I normally experience myself from within – only manifesting myself as having “high energy” when within the company of others to ensure that I have the best chance as being perceived as being a good/happy person that is beneficial to be around with, because of my unconscious desire to be “loved by others” and that the only way that I have found to be loved by others, is through me exerting myself as “high energy/positivity” at the cost of the deception as sadness that I experience within myself when back as being alone with myself – wherein I would feel depressed within myself after having expended high amounts of energy when with the company of others, only to realise that it was all for naught, as I am still to be found all alone with myself when back in my apartment – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me exerting/projecting myself as having “high amounts of energy” through me manipulating/energizing my mind prior to the moments when I am found with others, that as soon as I am to be back with the company of myself alone, that I will immediately experience myself as being negative/depressive/sad because of the re-occuring state/realisation that it was all for naught, as I am still all alone with myself, with no one to be around with within the intimacy of my home – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my state of mind be dependent on the presence of others, as I feel happy when with the company of others and sad when back alone with myself, instead of realising that what I have to do first is build self-intimacy, self-love and self-trust first through the tools of investigating myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the mind, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so that I stop my participation within the cycles of “high energy” that I project of myself when with the company of others, and “low energy” that I experience within myself when back alone with myself, and CHANGE effectively so that I stop participating within these patterns of the mind and bring myself back HERE as the physical as life as that which is best for all as what is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that every time that I accept and allow myself to project myself as having “high energy” when within the company of others, that I will automatically experience myself as having “low energy” as negativity/deception/depression when I will be back and alone with myself because of the secret mind desire as self-interest to “attract” a “female” to my home, wherein I would feel depressed/deceived/negative every time that this desire is not satisfied, which is almost all the time – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that every time I accept and allow myself to participate within such games of energy as the positive projection of myself as “high energy” in order to satisfy the secret desire to “attract a female to my home”, that the negative experience of myself as the realisation of doing all of this mind game manipulation for nothing, accumulates over and over and over and over again within and as my subconscious mind, whereas I experience the accumulated and layered negative polarity charge of this mind game which manifests within and as myself as deep levels of negativity/depression/sadness through the realisation that I have yet again failed at bringing a partner with me to share and live intimate experiences with at my apartment, whenever I find myself again and again and again all alone with myself, with no one to share my life experiences with.

Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me participating within such games of “mind projections” as me projecting myself as having “high amounts of energy” only so that I have the possibility to attract a female to my home so that I may not be alone anymore, is a game/pattern of deception that I maintain within and as myself because of deceiving others as myself within the projection of myself as being of “high energy” which is ultimately false as I normally am calm and stable within and as myself when I am alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise the pattern that I keep on participating within as the cycle of “high energy as forced happiness” turning into “low energy as forced depression” and then going back to “high  energy as forced happiness” only to return to “low energy as forced depression”, going on and on and on as cycles in my mind that I accept and allow myself to participate in because of the subconscious driven desire to attract a female back to my home, even if I know of the low chance of me succeeding, wherein I press the “reset” button every time a new opportunity of attracting a female to my home presents itself to me, because of the hopes that “this time will be the good one” even if my life has proven to me that “this time will be the good one” almost never happens. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all of this is a pattern that I have enclosed myself within and as the mind as a pattern of self-abuse that I keep on participating in because of the desires/hopes that I will eventually find someone to share my life with, within which I would deliberately manipulate myself and others as myself from within so as to project the best image of myself as possible so that others may feel good about themselves when within my company, only to realise over and over and over again, that it was all for naught as I almost never get anything in return for the burning of my energies engineered to attract others to myself, whereas at the end of the day, I always find myself back alone with myself with no one to share my existence with in intimacy – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self-intimate with myself, through self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to with self-intimacy, be able to take back the control of my life and stop being manipulated by the games of the mind that I know of being all for naught.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from entertaining others as myself through me projecting a false image of myself as that of having “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, while I would always experience myself as the direct opposite of that projection as soon as I would be back and alone with myself, whereas the negative energy as depression would always be experienced in full force every time I would be back and alone with myself – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/understand/realise the futility in me participating in such games of energy with others, through me being self-honest with myself through the time and time again realisation that I do this for nothing in return, whereas I only get nothing in return of all of my expenses/burning of myself/physicality to “please” others. I forgive myself that I  haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to common sense through me stopping such destructive/abusive behaviours to and towards myself through me stopping projecting myself as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others because of the constant realisation that I do all of this for nothing as I only burn myself/physicality for an energetic experience that never comes.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that as soon as I participate within feelings of high energy/positivity/happiness when with the company of others, that I automatically generate the feelings of low energy/negativity/depression when with the company of myself alone – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I absolutely do not want to experience myself as low energy/depression/negativity and that the only way to stop me from experimenting myself as low energy/depression/negativity is through me stopping my participation within high energy/happiness/positivity when with the company of others.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as high energy/positivity when with the company of others, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “low energy/negativity/depression” when back alone with the company of myself, which I absolutely do not want to experience any more.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

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