I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to control others with my mind, whereas I would modify the frequencies of my mind through me practicing meditation within the goal of controlling my brainwaves, wherein I would when able to change the frequencies of my mind, control the reactions of others within the control of my energies – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was deceiving myself and others as myself through me manipulating my brainwaves in the goal of changing the perception others had on me through me changing their mind state as mirrors to the mind states I was busy manipulating/changing within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind/energies to control other’s mind/energies around me, wherein I would express myself through laughter and excessive reactions only so that I could influence the reactions of others when with my presence, whereas I would present myself as having “high energy” through me modifying the state of my mind when with the company of others, while when alone with myself I would experience myself as having “low energies”. The contrast between my behaviour when with others and my behaviour when with myself would mean that I was deceiving myself and others as myself through the false projection of myself when with others, in comparison to who I was when with myself alone, which were different expressions because of the desire to “control how others would think of me” that manifested within myself when with the company of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to control how others feel/think about me, wherein I would spend tremendous amounts of time in meditation in order to learn how to control my brainwave states so that I could control the brainwaves states of others, only because of the fear I had of knowing what others truly felt/thought about me – wherein I would practice meditation only so that I could learn techniques in how to control others through the mind, within the only goal/SOUL purpose to eventually be able to control others – all the while being driven by the fear of knowing what others truly thought/felt about myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the driving force behind my motivation to meditate was so that I could learn techniques to control others through the control of my mind state because of the fear of being “rejected” and unloved by others, instead of realising that effective self-trust and self-love is built and comes through self-honest self-investigation through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty wherein I apply myself to CHANGE so that my behaviour reflects what is best for all instead of what is best for only me as myself alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control the mind of others through the modification of my mind states wherein the control occurred within the mirroring of the behaviour/reflections of others towards my mind state, wherein I would project a dishonest image of myself because of the forced projection of myself to others as myself as something which I am/was not in fact as I was not in fact “high in energy” when with my company alone, but that this projection of myself as “high energy” was manufactured through the countless amounts of hours that I spend in meditating only so that I could reach levels of control of my own energies/frequencies within the only goal to eventually control others.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as high energy/positivity when with the company of others, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “low energy/negativity/depression” when back alone with the company of myself, which I absolutely do not want to experience any more.
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.
If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.
I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.
I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.
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