I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I fear talking because of the difficulties that I am currently encountering while I am in the process of speaking to another being, whereas I experience difficulties within the mechanisms of speaking, such as having a slight speech impediment that renders the simple task of speaking difficult for me, all because of the side effects of the medication that I am currently taking where I am experiencing slight difficulties in recalling and speaking words – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to “force myself out of this situation/rut” through me forcing myself to speak even if I fear that another will find my speaking strange because of the fact that I have difficulties in speaking because of the side effects of the medication that I am forced to take.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the back chat of the mind, where I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself within internal conversations where I internally project myself as being handicapped because of the fact that I am currently experiencing problems within the simple act of speaking, problems which have started after the times where I started taking the medication that have been prescribed to me in order to, apparently, treat my “mental condition” even if such medications are generating negative side effects that translates to me having difficulties in speaking to another because of the fact that the medication that have been prescribed to me, acts as a filter within my brain/mind region through the effects that the medication has on the chemical nature of my physical brain – and that instead of me fighting my way out of the side effects of the medication, that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-expression whereas I remain silent when in the company of another instead of speaking “my mind” – and that instead of me remaining silent within such circumstances, that I should force myself to break free from the limiting nature of the medication that I am forced to take, through me actually forcing myself to speak to another, even if that means that I will thus be open to criticism, and that if I am to be afraid of speaking when in the company of another, that I am to apply the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to break the pattern of me participating within the fears of the mind, and return to who and where I truly am HERE within and as the physical as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depreciate who I am because of the fact that I am currently experiencing difficulties in my speaking abilities, whereas I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within negative energetic reactions such as depreciative words that I muster against myself within the silences of my mind, because of the fact that I am constantly and continuously doubting my self-expression because of the fact that through the effects of the medication that I am forced to take, my speaking and wording abilities have been dramatically hindered whereas I experience frequent pauses, stuttering and “looking for words” ever since I started taking the medication about 1 year ago – and that if I am to be able to free myself from the doubt and fear that I have of talking to another, that I am to consider stopping taking my medication or that I am to simply continue on with my application of breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, even if that may not be sufficient to remove the negative psychosomatic effects of the medication because of the fact that the medication acts on very tangible physical components of my physical body, such as the chemicals within my own physical brain, that, whenever modified or altered, automatically generates a change within and as the physical body simply because of the fact that such medication directly alters the state of the chemical dynamics within my physical brain, wherein such an effect cannot just be removed by magical thinking.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarity manifestation of the mind through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to be controlled by my mind, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the thusly generated friction and consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy and in fact make the situation worse – to which I am ultimately not of energy, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.
If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “anxiety or nervousness to speak” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of “fear of speaking”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.
I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the “troubled speaker”, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.
I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.
See these blogs:
And other Journey to Life blogs
And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com
To be continued tomorrow