I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to my  “pt” because of the concern of protecting my own self-interest in not taking the “mn” that he “pd” to me, whereas the act of me acting upon my self-interest of not taking the “mn” is not a “bad” thing as it is me taking a stand for what I accept and allow myself to ingest/take within my human physical body whereas I am the authority of me in my world and the fact of me experiencing negative experiences while taking the “mn”, such as the feeling of drowsiness/comatose/sleepiness that overcomes me when I do take the “mn”, is enough for me to know that the substance that my  “pt” has “pd” to me in order to treat my condition, is not good for me – within which I have decided not to take the “mn” “pd” to me by my  “pt” because of those negative effects within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience negative energies within and as myself when I do take the “mn”, whereas I experience the feelings/sensations of drowsiness/sleepiness/comatose/zombie-like/confusion within myself because of the unconscious relationship as the chemical responses that my mind exercises through the intake of the “mn”, as my mind is still unconsciously manipulated by such substances so as to change the chemical responses within the activities of my brain, instead of stopping such unconscious reactions through me going into the depths of my mind constructs and stop those reactions through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to stop myself from reacting within the unconscious chemical reactions which generates those negative energetic experiences that operates whenever I do take the “mn”. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously/subconsciously react through and as the modified chemical responses within and as my brain whenever I do take the “mn”, whereas I believe/perceive myself as being powerless within the fact that I seemingly do not have control of the chemical responses/reactions that operates within my brain as I take the “mn”, since those responses/reactions operates within the depths of my unconscious/subconscious mind, instead of realising that I do have power and control over the chemical reactions/responses that occurs within and as my brain when I take the “mn”, because of being the creator of everything as myself, which includes the reactions/responses that are operated within and as all of the different layers of mind, such as the unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind, and that in order for me to change/stop the chemical reactions that operates within the depths of my unconscious and subconscious minds, that I have to work/look even deeper within myself as what I have unconsciously accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind, through the tools of self-investigation, writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy within myself when I answered the question that my “ne” asked me in orer to know if I did/do take my “mn”, whereas I felt uneasy/uncomfortable within myself because of me lying to the “ne” through me saying that I did/do take the “mn” while this was/is false – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself because of having lied to my “ne”, whereas I experienced a dichotomy as a friction within myself when I lied to my “ne” because of not being honest with the “ne” as myself and thus, experienced myself as being “dishonoured” because of allowing myself to lie to the “ne”, even if I knew that I had no other choice in the matter, as to tell the truth to my “ne” regarding the fact that I do not take the “mn” would only attract more problems for me to face with the “ml” corps/profession, as I have been issued a “ct” “or” to take my “mn” at the end of last year, whereas if I do not take the “mn” that I would have to face the dire consequence that they have reserved for me, which is to go back to the “hl” for treatment/containment, to which I do not want to happen to me. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the act of me lying to my “ne” is me taking a stand for myself through the statement that I do not need the “mn” in order to “heal” me, as I am absolutely confident in being able to “heal” me through my own personal application, such as through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, whereas the dependency to the “mn” to “heal me” is only a “crutch” that doesn’t in fact “change/heal” me, but only makes me “worse” within the fact that the “mn” creates a dependency to an outside source other than myself in order to “heal/save” me, wherein nothing outside of myself will/can save/heal me, as I am the only one who created this condition as being bipolar and that I alone can change/stop this condition within myself through me not accepting and/or allowing myself to participate within energies of the mind – no “mn” necessary/allowed as this would be me stating that I cannot change/stop me from participating within the energies of the mind, which is absolutely ludicrous as I am the creator of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and because of that, that I can create a new me which isn’t addicted to energy through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application and thus become a living example that proves to others as myself that one can change oneself without the aid of “mn” in order to become that which is best for all, as that which is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/spite/blame the “pt”, the “ne” and the “ml” corps/profession for trying/attempting to force myself to take my “mn” though coercion, as when I was at the “hl”, the “ne”s, guards and “pt” used physical force/abuse when they first attempted to give me the “mn” that I refused to take, whereas they physically attached me to a bed through abusing/forcing my physical body to be in a position where I would be powerless while they “id” within my body the “”ml”” substances that they obliged me to take even if without my consent. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge against the “pt”s, “ne”s and “”ml”” corps for having abused me when I was staying at the “hl” last year, where I was held within seclusion for days after days because of my refusal to take the “mn” that they wanted/were adamant for me to take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to detest the “hl” and the “ml” corps because of the bad experiences of abuse that I experienced when I was held “captive” within my stay at the “hl” last year, instead of realising that I am responsible for the bad experiences that I had at the “hl” through my simple acceptance and allowance of such a behaviour coming from the authority figures of this world, whereas I accept and allow myself to abuse and control those who are subservient to my power whenever I am placed in a powerful position, such as when I play games where I am winning, as I then accept and allow myself to treat others as being “less than me” in exactly the same way as what I was treated like when I was staying at the “hl”. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I do the exact same thing as those who had abused me when I was in the “hl” when I am placed in a powerful position with another, while I maybe do not use such physical abuse as I was the “victim” of when I was at the “hl”, but using abuse nonetheless within my expression/behaviour/non-verbal behaviour/attitude towards those who are not in a powerful position, such as those who are “losing” within games that I participate in with others – such as the mind games that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with others, wherein the price is the energy that one can steal/gain from another within mind games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as being a victim of the “ml” corps, because of my obligation by “ct” “or” to take the “mn” that has been “pd” to me by my “pt”, instead of realising that I am the creator of that situation wherein because of my acceptances and allowances in me participating in games of winners and losers, that I thus automatically accept and allow such experiences as those of being seen as a “victim” of another’s will and that for me to stop myself from those acceptances and allowances within myself, that I have to apply the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so that to make sure that I do not accept and allow myself to participate within such games where I feed the system of abuse as the system of the world, and bring about a new system that stands for what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for LIFE, Equal and One with all living beings.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as the game of power as the gain/loss of energy that I play with other human beings, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as games of power, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “feeling powerful or a victim” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of being a victim to another’s will/or, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of powerlessness, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Yesterday, I went to my monthly check-up at the “hl”. Like I already mentioned in some of my previous posts, I have been diagnosed as being a bipolar back in the year 2003, and ever since last year, I have to go to the “hl” within monthly check-ups in order for the “pt”s and “ne”s to verify if the dosage of “mn” is right within my “bs”. So, yesterday was one of those check-ups whereas I was checked to see if the right amount of “mn” was in my “bs”.

What I have to mention regarding those check-ups is that ever since last year, I have been suggested by the “ct” to take “mn” for what the “ml” profession perceive as being for my best interest – because I have then revealed to them that I did not regularly take my “mn”. The reason for that “ct” suggestion was because of the fact that last year I experienced an emotional turmoil which sent me to the “hl” for 3 months wherein I have been issued a “ct” suggestion to take my “mn” because of behaviours which they judged as being a menace to my wellbeing and the wellbeing of others = bullshit. Within those 3 months at the “hl”, I received different dosage of “mn” in order for the “pt”s to determine what would be the best dosage for my particular case. So, it was determined before the end of my detention at the “hl” that I would have to take 2 types of “mn” to treat my “ml condition”. However, the “mn” that is given to me generates side effects that are truly hard to live with – such has feeling comatose/confused almost all of the time while under the “mn”. So, what I have decided is to not take all of the “pd” “mn” – simply because of the negative side effects of some of those “mn” like what I have just explained.

However, the problem is that in order for me to abide to the “ct” suggestion, I have to go to the “hl” in monthly appointments in order for the “ml” staff which is attributed to me to verify the amount of “mn” in my “bs”, so as to ensure that I do take my “mn”. Earlier within my firsts appointments after getting out of the “hl” last year, I remained honest when I was asked if I took my “mn” as “pd”, so as to tell the “pt”s and “ne”s what I really did with the “mn” = which was not to take all of them. The problem with this honesty towards the “ml” staff however, is that it has always backfired whereas I would be moralised by the “pt” in him telling me that I needed those “mn” in order to ensure that I would not experience another manic or depressive episode, as they are convinced that my “ml” condition can only be treated byn “mn”. This doesn’t stand with me however, since I am convinced that the simple act of self-forgiving myself through the tools given by D such as self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, is enough for me to stop myself from participating within such experiences of “mind energy” and to re-align myself with the physical so as to stand for life instead of standing for the mind as energy. What I have specifically realised recently, after having applied myself within the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, is that my tendency to participate within positive or negative energies, have been extensively diminished, as I now tend to be more calm and stable within my expression, as I now stop myself from participating within the energies that were addictive to me in the past – such as the experiences of “high energy” that I regularly experienced in the past within manic episodes.

So, since the problem that I am now faced with is that I have to take the “mn” as per the “ct” suggestion – and that the “mn” that I am forced to take generates feelings/sensations of confusion and sleepiness within my mind – and that even if I have already told the “pt” and “ne” that the “mn” is generating negative effects within me, that they wouldn’t listen to me, telling me that I have to stick with the “plan” as the act of sticking to the “”mn”” that the “pt” “pd” to me, telling me that the negative side effects would subdue with time. However, this hasn’t been the case with me whereas I still to this day, feel confused/sleepy/comatose whenever I take the “mn” that is “pd” to me. Even if I have told the “pt” and “ne” of my problems with the “mn”, they wouldn’t budge within their conviction that the “mn” is the only solution for my predicament. So, considering that they have proven to me how close minded they are wherein they do not even show signs of listening to my complaints when I am being honest with them concerning the negative side effects of my “mn”, I am now being forced to lie to them when they are asking me if I take my “mn” regularly.

The only moments where I take my “mn” are the days which are just before my “bs” check-ups, which comes at the pace of about once per month. The reason why I do so is because I am the one who is experiencing the negative side effects of the “mn” and that the “pt” have no clue of what it is that I have to go through when I take the “mn”, because he have clearly showed no signs of compassion towards my situation when it comes to take the “mn”, being only concerned with his self-interest of selling me the “pn”. They are not the authority of me, I am. So, recently, I have stopped being honest with them (“ne” and “pt”) because they do not believe that I can stop myself from living/experimenting those manic/depressive episodes, being convinced that I am powerless within this diagnostic as they keep on telling me that the problem is because of an imbalance with the chemical reactions within my brain – and that there have been no scientific proof that one can heal himself/herself without the aid of “mn”. So, they keep on trying to convince me that the “mn” are the only thing which can “save” me from my “ml” condition = bullshit.

However, that doesn’t stand with me, as I am evidently the creator of that condition within my mind and that I am absolutely aware of being the onlyone responsible for my “ml” condition, as I am the one who fuelled the manic episodes when I lived them – and that it wasn’t something that is/was out of my control as what the “ml” profession wants me to believe. So, in order for me to protect my physical body/brain from the ill side effects of the “mn” – not forgetting the fact that the “mn” that I am forced to take have other side effects than those that I have already explained such as gaining weight -, I am forced to stop being honest with them and tell them lies such as telling them that I do take my “mn” everyday – which is false as I only take them on the days which precede my “bs” check-ups.

So, the problem I am now faced with is the dichotomy that I experience within myself in face of the fact that I want to remain honest with everyone as myself, but that because of the specific situation that I am living with within my relationship with the “ml” corps – such as I have explained throughout this post – that I have to lie to them as myself because of having to protect my “ml” and physical integrity from the negative effects of the “mn”. Since they have proven to me that they absolutely do not care about what I experience and live within the effects of the “mn”, being only concerned with their self-interest as determined by their profession and their blind loyalty to it, I have decided to lie to them so that I may continue not taking the “mn”, as I now currently am in control of myself through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application. I now actually see the difference within myself within the fact that I experience energy in a much less overwhelming fashion than how I experienced energetic reactions in the past. This gives me absolute confidence that the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application are actually working/changing me for the better as to become the living example of what is best for all life = not being controlled by energy. So, this equals no “mn” for me.

I will do self-forgiveness on this point in my next blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed today because of the accumulation of days passed where I was alone in my home, whereas I have spent all week alone with myself with no one with whom to communicate with, instead of realising that I am always alone with myself, whether I am with someone or not – that I am never more than alone with myself and that as long as I do not feel comfortable with myself, whatever circumstances, that I am thus still controlled by the perception of the mind as being made of energy where I seek/need to feed the energetic entity as personality within myself so as to feel “secure” and “comfortable” and “positive” whereas I participate within the exchange of positive energies when I am in a relationship with someone and that I don’t participate within the exchange of positive energies when I am alone with myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to feed myself through the intake of “positive energy” through the relationship with another, whereas I participate within exchanges of energy when I am with someone else, rather than realising that whenever I accept and allow myself to participate within the positive exchange of energy with another being, that I am permitting through my acceptances and allowances as my participation within the exchange of positive energy with another, that I am thus permitting myself to experience myself as “negative energy” whenever I find myself being alone with myself, without the supportive exchange of positive energies that I experience within myself when I am with another.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive the accumulation of positive energy that occurs when I am with the company of another being, as being something which is supporting me, instead of realising that what the company of others supports within myself in such circumstances, is only the belief/idea that I am of the mind as being a being made of energy, and that such a perception is truly not supporting who I really am as the physical as life and that as long as I believe/perceive/feel the experience of myself as positivity when I am with another being, that I am thus reinforcing the illusion of me as that of being the fruit of the mind as energy, instead of releasing myself from such an illusion through the stopping of all of my participations within the exchange of positive energies with another, so that I stop myself from being controlled by feelings/emotions/thoughts and to become a real human being which is equal and one with and as the physical as life as who I truly am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to energy, to the extent where I feel bad/negative within myself when I do not experience the positive charge of positive energy, whereas I have become addicted to energy to the point where I experience myself as being “negative/depressive” whenever I do not experience positive exchange of energies within myself, such as when I am with another person – instead of realising that because of my addiction to positive energy experiences, that I automatically invite negative energy within myself so as to balance out the energy equation that gets unbalanced as  I participate within the exclusivity of positive energy, and that in order for me to stop experiencing negative energy within myself, that I have to stop all my participation within positive energy through me returning to who I am HERE within and as the breath as that which doesn’t need energy to exist/survive as the eternal foundation of myself as myself as physicality/life.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that because I accept and allow myself to participate within the positive exchange of energies when I am with someone, that I thus automatically will experience myself as being negative when I am alone with myself – because of the balancing act that occurs within the energies as the mind within myself, where my mind automatically seeks balance wherein as I experience myself as being positive in a moment, that I will automatically experience myself as being negative in another moment, and that because I accept and allow myself to “swell up” as the accumulation of positive energy within myself when I am with someone else, that as soon as I remove from the equation the fact of being with another person, I will eventually surely experience myself as being negative within myself when I am to be found alone, because of having associate the surge of positive energy when I am with someone else which automatically associate the release and dispersing of positive energy when I am alone with myself, thus experiencing myself as being negative when there is no one around and with me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like if there is a ball of negative energy within and as my solar plexus area when I am alone with myself for a too long period of time, because of the accumulative effect of negativity which compresses and compresses and compresses within and as my subconscious/unconscious mind/physicality as the accumulation of time when I am alone with myself, which results in me feeling like shit when I have accumulated too much negative energy which is experienced when I spend too much time alone with myself – such as the case of this week when I have passed more than 5 days all alone with myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be fulfilled within myself as I should be within and as the physical alone = without the interference of the games of the mind of positive and negative energy exchange – but that I am not because of my allowed participation within the games of the mind as the exchange of positive energy when I am in a relationship with another person and the release of negative energy when I am alone with myself = no direct relationship with another person.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like shit within myself when I am alone for too long with myself, where the accumulation of negative energy becomes so overwhelming, that I “fall” towards and within the negative energies within myself so that to become depressive with the company of myself all alone – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am always alone with myself and that the feeling of negativity that I experience within myself when I am alone without anyone to exchange energies with, is only a symptom of my participation within the games of the mind as the exchange of energies with others, and that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within such games of the mind, that I will remain enslaved to the mind as the mind will remain the self-directive principle of me in my world, as the abuse and misuse of physicality/life will thus continue – unless I stop myself from participating within such games of the mind, through me stopping myself from experiencing positive energy when I am with another person, through the tools of breathing, self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application. If and when I see/experience myself about to move into the feelings of positivity when I am with someone, I stop, breathe and I remind myself that it is a game of the mind that I no longer want to participate in and apply self-forgiveness in the moment within and as self-honesty as who I am as the breath.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be comfortable within self-intimacy as myself when I am alone with myself, instead of continuously seeking to be with someone so as to satisfy my culturally inserted definition of intimacy and thus feeling bad/depressive within myself whenever I am unable to satisfy the conditions of that self-imposed definition of intimacy, instead of building my self-intimacy up from within the starting point of self as all as ONE as Equal – whereas the full realisation is absolute within the fact that I am and will always be alone as self – through the tools of self-investigation, writing and through the application of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, whereas the more I apply myself within those tools, the more I will build self-intimacy and self-trust as myself and return to the innate comfort of being with myself alone, rather than my comfort and self-fulfilment being dependant on others, which is only furthering my enslavement towards and within the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that to be alone = to be sad and depressive, because of the copied perception of others as those that educated and influenced me as I was growing up in this world, instead of releasing myself from such erroneous programming through me applying the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, so as to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the programming as the mind, so that I may, from oneness and equality as myself as the mind, understand what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind and stop my participation within such programming and return to who I truly am as life as the physical, so that I may act within the interest of what is best for all, instead of continuously acting for the sole interest of myself as separate from everything else, wherein I am only concerned to reach the goals of my personal interests, instead of working/acting in order to ensure the happiness of all living beings in this planet, as we are all as one as equal as life as the physical HERE.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite life for the predicament I am in as that of being alone with myself, whereas I spite life for giving me attributes which seemingly makes me undesired by others, because of the perception that I am not entertaining or good looking enough for girls to be with me, instead of realising that no one outside of myself will change and stop the feelings/energies/negative thoughts that I have when I am alone with myself, and that the only one who can change me by stopping such reactions of the mind is myself alone and that the application of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application gives me the tools in order to build self-trust, self-intimacy and self-love of myself so that I may CHANGE myself so that to become comfortable with myself, whatever the circumstances, so that I may act unchained and free of the controls of the mind so as to bring about a life that is dignified for all through actions which will become one and equal to who I truly am as life as the physical, Equal and One with all living beings.

 

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as the experience of myself as being positive when I am with someone and being negative when I am alone with myself, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as positivity/negativity, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

 

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

 

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “feeling depressed when I am alone” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

 

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of depression as the reaction of negative friction experimented when realising that I am alone with myself, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

 

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of depression, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

 

 

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

I will publish a re-introduction to who I am here as I have now completed my first DIP assignment where I have been asked to introduce myself. It will give further perspective on the How I have come upon the Desteni material and what happenned next as my first experience with the material. So, here goes:

So, my name is Alex Parkinson, and I have been aware of the Desteni material ever since the beginning of the year 2008. How I came into contact with Desteni was something of a coincidence, as I kind of stumbled upon a video made by sunette as I was looking for something else in youtube.

Within the month of January 2008, I was within a particular state of mind from within which I was brought to a video made by sunette on youtube. The state of mind I was in at the time made me perceive myself as being “more than myself”, wherein I was within what I later realised as being a mind possession of an energetic entity where I felt and experienced myself as being “extremely more than” what I normally was/am. I have to state that this feeling of experimenting myself as being “extremely more than” what I normally experienced myself as, was brought to my consciousness as a side effect of what I have been defined/diagnosed as being, which is bipolar – and that such an experience of myself as that of the feeling of a “extreme high energy” was a consequence of my predicament as that of being a bipolar according to the psychiatrists of this world. Ever since I have been diagnosed as being bipolar, I never really perceived myself as being ill or being defined as being bipolar, but that this definition was only the result of the assessment that a psychiatrist made of me, after having experienced a first episode of a manic experience, back in June of the year 2003. So, ever since that time, I have cyclically and regularly experienced myself as being “high” within and as the experience of me. This being probably due to the fact that I had overwhelmed myself within such an experience of high energy back in the year 2003, that it created an addiction within and as my nervous system, and that I did nothing within my power to stop such an experience within myself, as I was so enthralled within the new perspective that the “high energy” brought unto my perception of existence, that I didn’t want to let go of it. Thus it became an addiction of some sorts, but an addiction which had its own life as it came and left within cycles after having first experienced this type of manic energy in 2003.

So, this explains the mind state that I was in as I first got introduced to the Desteni material. Now, concerning the hazardous events which brought me to get to know Desteni and its message, I kind of stumbled into a video made by Sunette in youtube, as I was looking for videos about spiritual subjects – to which I do not exactly remember the specificities of. However, as I was looking for videos in youtube – probably regarding the subject of life after death but I am unsure of this – my attention was brought to a thumbnail-video which was on the side of the youtube page I was looking at at the time. I saw the face of Sunette in the thumbnail, but what really caught my attention was the subtitle that was under the thumbnail-video. I do not remember exactly what was said under the thumbnail-video, but it evidently caught my attention, as I felt the urge to view it. As I was watching the video for the first time, I remember that I have experienced within myself a feeling of liberation as if I was expanding within myself as I was watching the video. I think it was about the subject of the atlanteans, but my memory of this event is failing me, so I cannot exactly tell if it was the first video that I saw of Desteni or if it was a subsequent video that I saw later on. Needless to say that essentially, what brought me to further investigate Desteni after the first video, was directly related to the “feelings” that I experienced within myself as I was watching my first video of Sunette/the dimensions. It was thus the feelings that I experienced within myself that brought me to further my investigation on the Desteni material. So, after this first encounter with Desteni, I followed the link to the Desteni web page, which was under the domain www.desteni.co.za at the time. What followed was a descent into a deeper state of manic episode, as I was so mesmerised by what I stumbled into, that I became caught within feelings of even higher states of mind, as I was completely under the spell of the fountain of relevant information that I stumbled into at the Desteni web page.

So, I started watching and watching and watching videos made by Sunette whereas I spent entire days and even nights doing that sole task – as I was completely hypnotised by the information that was revealed by the videos about the history of man, the universe and the self as was described by Sunette within her videos. In fact, my hypnotism with the Desteni videos was so great, that at one point, I became completely obsessed by my desires to watch all of the videos that had been made by Sunette. I remember that the number of videos that Sunette made at the time, was a little bit above 900 and that I had made it a goal of mine to watch them all within the shortest time span as possible.

At one point however, my desires to watch all of the Desteni videos available, in order to get as much “spiritually” relevant information as possible became so obsessive that I was eventually forced out of my home by the police. Now, this may sound extreme but let me tell you what brought the police to intervene within this particular predicament I was in with regards to the Desteni material.

As I stated earlier, the act of watching the first few videos had opened a door within and as my mind where I became completely obsessed within the goal of watching all of the Desteni videos within the shortest time span possible. In fact, I wanted to watch the videos so badly, that I made it a goal of mine to watch in sequence, all of the 900 and + videos as in a marathon. What was particular within what followed was that my mind became like a sponge, where I metaphorically speaking, drank all of the information as if it was the fountain of spiritual/esoteric knowledge. It became so intense that I started doing what was suggested in the videos, as I went through phases where I first changed my voice as I was talking in order to talk “without any energetic consonances” as it was said within some of the videos, that we had been preprogramed by the annunaki to react to specific sounds within our verbal expression of ourselves which only furthered our enslavement to the mind. It was also suggested that this programming made by the Annunaki was so “perfect” that a solution hadn’t yet been discovered by what I believed was Jack – the dimensional being. My memory is not that clear as to the details of that fact, but I remember clearly that I brought it unto myself to find the solution in order to bypass this programming. What I thus found was to talk in monotonous fashion so that I wouldn’t reinforce this programming within myself and others as myself from within my relationship with others. So, I began speaking in monotonous tones with all those with whom I had a relationship with at the time – and I stuck to this application as long as I could, which was until the policemen intervened and brought me to the hospital in order to “check my mental stability”.

The reason why I was brought to the hospital was not exactly because of what I just explained, but it was mostly because of an even more extreme behaviour that I adopted as I watched, in sequence, as most videos that I could – or until the exact moment where the policemen removed me by force from my computer in order to place me in an ambulance. Now, the reason why the policemen forced me out of my home, was because the roommate that was living with me at the time, became extremely concerned about my wellbeing, as at one point, I was so into the idea of bypassing the programming made by the Reptilians, that I merged within my mind, personal beliefs towards what I was witnessing in the desteni videos. My mind became a bundled mess. At one point I actually believed that I had to metaphorically “restart my birth sequence” so as to purify myself from the programming made by the Reptilians. So, I followed this “idea” of restarting my birth sequence in order to purify myself whereas I went to the extremes of placing all of my belongings, which included all of my clothes, in garbage bags as I was under the influence that I had to get rid of all of that which made me relate to my past so as to start anew. So, what happened next was that I was completely naked in front of the computer screen as I was watching the remaining videos of Sunette, whereas I have placed all of my belongings in garbage bags and placed the garbage bags in the living room so as to eventually throw everything away.

As I was doing this, my roommate was seeing me do this all in front of his eyes – whereas I kept on telling him that he had to trust me, that I knew what I was doing – lol, to which I clearly wasn’t now in retrospect. So, seeing me behave in such an extreme fashion brought my roommate to call my mother for support. So my mother came and as she saw me naked in front of the computer screen, not being able to put some sense into me, she called the police wherein I was eventually brought to the hospital for treatment.

So, without going into too much more details about what happened next (as I just realised that I have written more than 4 pages already), let just say that this was my introduction to destiny and its material. Needless to say that I have since changed my views regarding my fear of what the reptilians did to us, Desteni, the process and its material, but this was actually what happened in my life as I first got introduced to Desteni.

So, I will leave it at that for now and will continue walking my process until my next assignment.

Edit: Concerning my 7 years to life process commitment, I decided on my own accord in the month of May 2012 that even if I was banned at the time from joining the Desteni community through the forum, because of my precarious past with Desteni, that I would take it unto myself to apply myself in the process even if I would not be supported in doing so. So I made the decision to commit myself to the 7 years to life process because I came under the realisation, as even if I had been banned many times in the past by Desteni because of abusive behaviours, that the Desteni message and principle was altogether the only source of practical information that was actually making common sense throughout all of the different idealogies/philosophies/books that I have read throughout all of my life. I came under that realisation because like I said, even after having been banned many times by Desteni, it’s message lingered within my mind to such an extent that I couldn’t pull myself out of the Desteni movement even as I was banned from the community, as I knew within the depths of myself, that everything that Desteni stood for was actually everything that I also stood for within myself, but that I had not yet allowed to become real within and as myself through consistent practical application. So, after continuously reading the Desteni materials throughout the time where I was banned – continuously watching videos of destonians and reading blogs – it became obvious to me that I had to apply myself at all cost, even if I was to be forever banned from the Desteni community, because it became absolutely obvious/clear to me that everything that Desteni stands for is exactly as that which Desteni claims, which is the stand for life as that which is best for all life – and that it is only me within and as what I have accepted and allwoed myeslf to be and become as the mind, that can change myself and stop my participation within the mind = no one else but myself will come and save me from myself. I actually didn’t even consider the possibility of rejoining the community when I first started with my 7 years to life blog, as all that mattered to me was to apply myself consistently through the 7 years to life process. I wanted to do this for myself as a clear and definitive statement of my commitment towards life as the physical as who we truly are, equal and one. So, I made the commitment with myself to, for the first time in my life, commit myself to myself and make a real and actual stand for life so as to live the new statement that I wanted to make of myself – which is to forever stand for that which is life and no more accept and allow myself to participate within the illusion as the mind.

Cheers,

Alex

Today, I have been awarded with the “present” of being able to join the DIP program for one year for free, which I consider as being a gift that has been sent out to me by the cool folks at Desteni for having proven that I am committed with walking my process breath by breath, moment by moment and day by day – as I am now in my 42nd day of committing myself to daily writing through the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application.

Now, as I have been granted to join with the DIP program, I have consequently been granted to start with the first lessons of the program, wherein I have to gradually move up within the program, step by step to make sure that I am well acquainted with the Desteni material and that I am able to self-direct me within my own world through the self-empowering/liberating tools given by Desteni (writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application). The reaction that came up within myself however, was a reaction of “oh no, I don’t want to go and read all of the Desteni material again” because of having already read all of the articles posted on the Desteni main web site – desteni.org. This reaction came up within me after I realised that, after logging in to my DIP account page for the first time, I would have to read the lengthy documents that are suggested to read for the purpose of the DIP program. I reacted this way because, like I said earlier, I have already read almost if not all of the articles made by Sunette and the dimensions from the Desteni.org web page and that I believed that because of that fact, that I could be able to bypass some of the firsts lessons because of already being well acquainted with the Desteni material.

Now obviously, this reaction is calling for self-forgiveness which I will do shortly, but I just want to clarify that after having exchanged emails with my DIP buddy, that I have realised that it is in my best interest to read what has been laid out before me in the DIP program even if it means that I’ll have to probably re-read some of the articles that I have already read in the past. It’s been a while since I read those articles, and a good review is never a bad thing since I my perspective regarding Desteni have greatly changed since I first read the articles back in the year 2008. So, I’m sure that the exercise in reading all of the documents that will be sent out to me in the course of my DIP participation, will be worth my while, since it will allow me to attune my perspective towards the Desteni material so that I may stand clear within and as the depths of myself regarding what I have committed myself to, which is the 7 to 14 years process of self-purification in order that I may script myself into what is best for all life, as what is best for all life is best for myself. For more information regarding this process, see here.

Self-forgiveness on the reactions that came up – having to start over:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within spite as myself when I became aware that I would have to start over with the lectures of the Desteni material, wherein I was discouraged at the notion that I would probably have to re-read some of the documents that I have already read in the past concerning the Desteni material, which meant that I would have to give more time for the lectures of the material wherein I wasn’t “happy”/”pleased” about that fact because of considering myself as being “above” the act of having to read the introduction material to Desteni. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within myself in a way that I silently compared myself within the silences of my mind as backchat, to that of feelings of being “happy”, wherein I have automatically/mechanically compared the idea of having to probably re-read the Desteni material again as being a “negative energetic reaction”, to the idea/perception of not having to re-read the Desteni material again as being a “positive energetic reaction”, because of the notion/belief that because of me having already read most if not all of the Desteni material, that this empowers me to skip some lessons in order to get into the lessons which are relevant to my current understanding of the Desteni material – instead of realising that it is not about my current understanding of the Desteni material, wherein I perceived myself as already knowing a lot of/about Desteni and it’s message since having read most if not all of the articles found within the Desteni web page (desteni.org), but that it is about me standing within humility within the act of restarting within myself, so as to clear all points of uncertainty/misconception regarding the Desteni material, so as to stand clear within and as the process as myself so as to never look back again and be clear on all of the reasons why it is of the utmost importance for me to participate within the 7 years to life process, so that I may stop the mind/consciousness/energetic reactions within myself so that I may be able to birth life from the physical, so as to CHANGE what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become as humanity as the abuse/misuse of life/physicality, and bring about what is best for all life, Equal and One with all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as being “above” the act of having to “start from the beginning” regarding the Desteni material, because of the notion/CONception that the “knowledge and information” that I already had/have regarding the Desteni material, was/is enough for me to go directly into subjects which are at deeper levels of application within the DIP program, wherein I perceived myself as “knowledge and information” as the mind only and that from within that perspective, that I used justification/spite/blame towards my position as being “above” the position of a newcomer – instead of realising that I was actually accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarity of the mind, as superiority and inferiority as the projected image of myself that I had of being “above” a newcomer only because of the “knowledge and information” that I had regarding the Desteni material. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that “knowledge and information alone” is useless, and that unless knowledge and information is used for practical application within the practical living of myself HERE within and as this world, that the “knowledge and information” from within the perspective of “knowledge and information alone” is completely useless – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use “knowledge and information” as benchmark for the consideration of my position concerning the Desteni material, whereas I used within my mind, spite and justification in order to justify my own self-righteousness within the notion that “knowledge and information alone” was enough to make me go directly to later stages of the DIP program, not seeing myself as being Equal and One with all participants within the DIP program, but seeing me as being “different”/”special” than those who are newcomer to the Desteni material – only because of the fact that I already had the “knowledge and information” concerning the Desteni material. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive/project me as being “different” than those who are newcomer to the Desteni material, because of the mind’s interpretation that “knowledge and information alone” in regards to the Desteni material was/is enough to make me “different”/”special” than any other newcomer of the Desteni material, not seeing/understanding or realising that “knowledge and information alone” doesn’t make me better than anyone in this world, as knowledge and information alone doesn’t change shit in this world, and that as long as I perceive and believe knowledge and information to be benchmark of my status in this world, that I am entrapping myself within the games of the mind as useless garble instead of releasing myself from such mind possessions, and become equal and one with the physical as life as all as one as Equal – wherein I am equal and one within my starting point within the DIP program, wherein I am one and equal with any newcomer to the Desteni material as I have yet to have proven myself as being worthy of Life through the 7-14 years to life process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to the idea of having to read the introduction material to the Desteni principle from within my DIP application, whereas I experienced deception within and as myself after having first realised that I would have to read the introduction material to the Desteni principle/message over again, as I have already read most if not all of the Desteni material from the Desteni web page (desteni.org), instead of realising that the act of reading the Desteni material again, presents itself as being an opportunity for me to correct/remove unconscious/subconscious beliefs systems that are still present within and as my mind, through the reading of the Desteni introduction material, wherein the act of reading the Desteni material again would grant me new perspectives towards what I/we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as self/humanity and that from there, take a stand so as to no more accept and allow myself to be directed by illusionary beliefs systems as the mind, and to bring myself back HERE within and as the physical as the BREATH through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deceived by the idea that I would have to re-read the Desteni material again, not realising that the deception was/is not in the act of having to re-read the Desteni material again, but that the deception was/is within the thought of myself as the thought of “not having to read the material again” as that thought is/was me deceiving myself into believing/thinking that I was “above” the act of “reading the desteni material again”, wherein it would not be necessary for me to read the Desteni material again, because of the deception that “knowledge and information” played within my mind as the self-proclaimed/self-justified god in my mind, wherein I would from within the stance of knowledge and information, claim that I already “know it all” and that because of that, that it wasn’t necessary for me to read the Desteni material again – instead of realising that the simple fact that I reacted to this information, whether slightly or greatly, proves without the shadow of a doubt that I am not “above it all” as I am still enslaved by the reactions of the mind and thus, cannot yet be trusted by life as that which is the only authoritative god in this world/existence.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was spiteful towards the newcomers to the Desteni material, as proven by my reaction of negative friction towards the fact that I would have to “get down to the levels of a newcomer” in regards to the Desteni material found within the DIP course, and relinquish my self-proclaimed/self-justified position as a “know it all” concerning the Desteni material, while the actual truth of me as self-application clearly shows that knowledge and information is useless unless it is used for practical application, wherein the “knowledge and information” regarding the Desteni material doesn’t amount to anything unless it is used for REAL actual practical application, such as the application of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, and that as long as I do not practically put into use the knowledge and information found within the Desteni material, as was the case when I first read the Desteni material, that the Desteni material is useless. I know see/realise/understand the opportunity that is presenting itself to me within the act of reviewing all of the Desteni material within the newly acquired perspective of practical application, whereas I am only now ready/decided to put all of the practical information found within the Desteni material to use, which wasn’t yet the case when I first read the Desteni material. Thus, the new perspective that I know have regarding the importance of actually applying the knowledge and information found within the Desteni material, gives me a fresh and new outlook on the material, giving depths of perspective that wasn’t present within myself as I first ran through the document a few years ago.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity as the projection of myself as inferiority/superiority, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as inferiority/superiority, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “deception of starting anew” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of deception as the reaction of friction experimented when realising that I have to start anew, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of deception, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Today, I have been given the permission to join the DIP program because of my commitment/constance towards my application of the 7 years to life process, which is really cool. I was thus given the opportunity to join the DIP program with sponsorship, so that I could perfect myself into becoming one and equal as life as the physical, through the 7 years to life process, as an assistance towards my application and the effectiveness of my application towards and within myself.

So, as I was given permission to join the DIP program, I was thusly given the permission to have a personnal account within the DIP web page/system. However, after having received the confirmation that my account was operational after having followed all the steps for my inscription (giving my e-mail address and generating a password for me to log into my DIP account web page), I was rebuffed by the system wherein I received the message “you have been banned” after having attempted to log into my DIP account.

This message has generated feelings of friction within and as my stomach area, as a global/general/unspecific feeling which made me remember experiences of rejection as I was growing up in this world. So, in face of this point which ressurfaced, it was my duty to self-investigate that reaction within the specificities that that reaction generated within and as my mind.

Self-forgiveness on the feeling of rejection:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was banned from the DIP program because of the message that I got after connecting to my account, which informed me that I was banned for a general reason of having not followed the terms of use, within which I believed that I had been banned because of my precarious past with Desteni, whereas I have used abuse and spite towards members of Desteni because of having been possessed by energetic entities from within which I was brought to interpret the Desteni message as being a menace to my well being as an energetic entity, instead of realising that that energetic entity was a mind possession which had a finite existence that I didn’t want to let go of because of my addictions to energies as the mind, instead of realising that who i am is not an energetic entity, but is equal and one with the physical as life as that which is equal to all living beings – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give this “energetic entity” time of day, where i accepted and allowed myself to express myself as the words coming from this energetic entity within myself, from within which I perceived myself as being a being of light wherein I dismissed the Desteni message because of my desire to keep my energetic possession as the “high energy entity” alive and through the perception that the Desteni message was threatening my mind’s illusion as being a being of light – I now see/understand/realise that the energetic entity that expresses itself whenever the accumulation of positive energy becomes overwhelming, is and was a mind possession that wasn’t/isn’t real as it is/was only a construct of the mind as the desires of the mind as energy to experience it’s reward as positive energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this energetic reaction within myself after having been aware of having been banned for a general reason of not having followed the terms of use, wherein I felt a slight friction within my stomach area informing me through the interpretations of the mind that I was rejected from joining the DIP program because of the belief that the administrators had received the order to ban me because of my precarious past with Desteni and it’s members, instead of realising that this reaction as the fear of being rejected was only the interpretation of my mind towards the message of being banned, from within which emerged within the depths of my mind, past reactions as the slight friction feeling within my stomach area, from where I had been rejected as I was growing up in this world – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to change from within the perspective of not accepting and allowing myself to experience that feeling of energetic friction within and as my stomach area, because of the realisation that who I am as life is not the product of energy, as energy as myself is a diminishment of who I truly am as life as the physical which is always eternally here as myself, equal and one with all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had been rejected by my classmates as I was growing up in this world, wherein I have adopted the behavioural stance as someone who is “less than another” when I was within the same area as those who used to use derivative names towards me, and thus to still continue behaving within such a stance to this day, whenever I see/perceive someone or something expressing words which reminds me of those experiences as being rejected when I was growing up in this world, such as the words that I read today where it was written as I attempted to access my DIP account web page, as the words “you have been banned”, which furthermore was written in red as a colour which I have associated with things which are “bad”. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a “bad” feeling within and as my stomach area, after having read the word “you have been banned” which were furthermore in red letters such as the effect of the negative impression of those words, were elevated within the fact that the colour they were printed on was red, instead of realising that those words which I read today, as the words “you have been banned” and which were furthermore printed in the colour red, were innocent and acted only as pointers that there was something wrong with the system that I was trying to log into, and that the problem wasn’t created because of me and my past as that of having been rejected, but that the problem was simply a problem that concerned the program as the system I was trying to log into – which had nothing to do with me personally, such as the manifestation of the “bad feeling within and as my stomach area” made me believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the words “you have been banned” within the effect of me experiencing feelings of “slight friction” within and as my stomach area, whereas the friction was generated through blame/spite/justification towards those as myself – which was made evident by the fact that the “bad feelings within and as my stomach area” was felt by my physical body/me as an energetic/illusionary reaction towards the association between what I have read today and what I have experienced as I was growing up in this world as the experience of being rejected – that I have accused of being the cause of the feeling of inferiority that I experienced when I was within the presence of bullies as I was growing up in this world – instead of realising that they were not the cause/reason/justification for the feelings that I harboured within and as myself as the feelings of being rejected, such as the experience of myself as being “inferior” to those who used derivative names towards me, but that it was me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, such as being “inferior to those whom I perceived as being superior to me”, that was the cause of such feelings/emotions/reactions and that it is my responsibility to STOP what I have accepted and allowed myself to become through my experiences growing up in this world. Within this, I now see/realise/understand that it is only me that can change what I experience within and as myself when reacting to outside influences – that the outside is not the cause of whatever I accept and allow myself to experience within and as myself, but that it is me and me alone who is responsible for whatever is happening as reactions to outside stimuli within and as myself, and that it is only ME that can STOP myself from participating within such reactions of “inFEARiority” through the application of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty in order for me to release myself from those energetic charges and become clear so that I can stand HERE with and as my physical body, with no reactions whatsoever to what is being directed at me from others around me – and that it is up to me as clarity/stability to be the self-directive principle of me in my world, not my reactions/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still hold unto the past as the experiences of myself as being rejected, through me still to this day, exercising friction through blame/spite/justifications towards those that have expressed themselves as being the authority of me as I was growing up in this world, whereas I was enslaved by my feelings of “inFEARiority” whenever I was within the company of those who used to bully me as I was growing up in this world, because of my accepted and allowed participation within the polarity of the mind as superiority and inFEARriority, as I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being “inFEARior” to those who bullied me as I was growing up in this world, and that I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being “superior” within other instances such as when I was playing games where I was known to have success as I was a teenager growing up in this world – instead of realising that the reason why I experimented those feelings of inferiority when faced with the bullies as I was a teenager in this world, was because I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as “superiority” within other instances/moments as I was growing up in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blamed LIFE in and of itself as that which I perceived the entirety of the universe as being as I was growing up in this world, whereas I was blaming LIFE as that which was “superior” to me because of the perceived notion that LIFE was separate from me and was the author of me as my creator, wherein I blamed LIFE as the entirety of existence within and as the backchat/secret mind for having given me the physical attributes which were the subject of the ridicule/rejection that I experienced with those who bullied me as I was a teenager growing up in this world – instead of realising that LIFE as something which was/is separate from me was/is an illusion that persist/persisted as long as I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was this “mind entity” as personality that I perceived/believed myself as being through my interactions with those who educated me in this world, such as my parents, teachers and those who projected themselves as the authority figures in my world. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am the only authority of me in my world, whereas I as the physical as the self-directive principle of me in my world as that which is with me all of the time, is the only TRUE/REAL authority of me in my world, as I am the one who is with me all of the time, and that whoever claims to be the authority of me in my world, is only being authorised as an authority of me because of my accepted and allowed participation within the personalities/energetic entities of the mind, and that in order for me to regain full authority of myself as LIFE, that I have to STOP such participations within and as the personalities as the mind, through the use of self-investigation through writing and through the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so that I may see myself for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind, and that from there, stop myself from participating within and as the mind so that I may return to the physical as who I truly am as life, One and Equal to all living beings.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the feeling of inferiority is a feeling that is generated through the FEAR of expressing myself for who and what I am, and that as long as I will generate that feeling through the friction/conflict that I hold onto towards the world and existence for the predicament that I am in within and as my life, that I will keep on experimenting myself as being “inferior” to the another or the outside world because of me still holding onto the feelings of inferiority and superiority within and as my mind. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the feeling of inFEARiority is existent within and as my mind as long as I keep participating within the feeling of SOUPeriority, as the “soup” that I drink in order to make me feel “more than” who I am as the physical, instead of stopping such participations within inFEARiority and SOUPeriority altogether. If and when I see myself move or about to move within the pattern of inFEARiority or SOUPeriority, I stop, BREATHE, see if I have missed an opportunity to self-forgive and if so, forgive myself from my participation within the games of the mind as superiority and inferiority and bring myself back HERE within and as the BREATH as the self-honest expression of myself within and as the physical as all as One as Equal as Life.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as inferiority/superiority, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as inferiority/superiority when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “rejection/inferiority” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of rejection/rejected as the reaction of friction experimented within parts of my physical body such as the stomach area, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of rejection, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energies of the universe to my own advantage as self-interest, within the perspective that the practice of meditation would empower me to use the energies of the cosmos, wherein I believed that the amount of energy available in the universe was limitless and was my/our birthright, wherein each and every one who would want to use this available and limitless source of energy would be free to do so at the condition of “knowing” how to obtain that limitless source of energy, wherein I believed that my meditation practices was me “knowing” how to obtain/gain that energy – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push/force myself within my mind, through the generation/creation of friction within and as my mind as the consumption of physicality – as the movement from the negative, to the neutral and to the positive energies – as I was motivated by the belief that energy was my true self/identity and that my goal in life was to accumulate as much energy as possible so that I could become a “special being” which would be able to “guide others” to our “true identity” and thus our freedom – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that energy is not our true identity, as energy is finite and can never stand the test of time within eternity/infinity, but that our true identity is the physical as physicality as all as one as equal as life as that which stands the test of time into eternity/infinity as substance as life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise, from within the experiences of me having “high amounts of energy” within the perspective of me acquiring and gaining those high amounts of energy through meditative practices focussing solely on the act of acquiring/gaining as much energy as possible from the cosmos, that the method of acquiring those amounts of energy was always one and the same, meaning that the levels of high energy experienced was always the result/fruit of my constant and continuous friction with physicality as who I really am as life and not the result of me sucking energy from the cosmos as energy through my meditative practices – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was burning and burning and burning who I really was/am as physicality as life through me acquiring/building excessive amounts of energy, thus abusing myself as who I truly am as the physical, only so that I could experience myself as being “more than” who I really was/am as life which was a deception that I was deliberately participating in because of the “rewards” as “positive energy” that would be gained from such practices – all of which blinded me from the truth of myself as who I really was/am as physicality as all as one as equal as Life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to the common sense within and as me as the words of who I truly am as physicality which told me to STOP within the first experiences of me experiencing myself as having/generating/burning excessively high amounts of energy, from within which I believed myself as being/becoming a “purifier for existence”, within that the energy that I experienced within myself was so “extreme” that I started to believe that I was “special” and that the energy that was contained within and as my mind was able to “change the world” because of the perception of it being “pure” and thus, could “purify/change” the world, instead of realising that the only thing that this acquirement of high energy would do as consequence, was to further my enslavement within and as the mind as the mind consciousness system through the participation of the charging and discharging of positive energies within and as my mind and within and as this entire existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to become a “special being” because of the desire/motivation/want to make myself “special” in the eyes of others, wherein I would develop meditative practices that would generate as much friction as possible within my mind in order to generate as much positive energy as possible so that I could, through the veil of the accumulated energy as positivity, manipulate people into thinking/believing that I was “special” and “illuminated” and that I could change/save the world for the better through me changing the energies all around me through my mere presence alone, from within which I perceived myself has being able to bring about a new world through the purification of the energies all around me, because of the “purity of energies” that I was able to canalise through my meditation sessions, as I then saw myself as being a “great purifier” which purpose was to purify the energies of the ether so that positivity could reign within this world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the truth of me was being blinded by my desires of becoming a “great purifier”, whereas my desires of attaining/getting/gathering as much positive energy as possible blinded me from what was right HERE in front of me as the actual real identity of myself, which was simply as being equal and one with the physical as all as one as equal as life – but that my desires of being/becoming “someone more than what was obviously here as myself” blinded me from the actual real living of myself and isolated myself further within the polarity/games of the mind, from within which my enslavement to consciousness was blissfully made ignorant to my awareness because of my stubbornness to see myself as a “special being” which was “enlightened” and thus was “more than others” because of the beLIEf that I was fundamentally a being made of energy/light, which was a mindfuck that I forced myself to believe because of wanting/desiring to make me “more than” what I perceived myself as being such as this “small” physical body/being.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the “positive energies” that was my inner experience of myself after having spent numerous amounts of time practicing meditation for the sole purpose of gaining/acquiring/charging as most energy as possible, was generated in all ways through the continuous friction between what I believed myself as being a being of energy, and what I truly was as equality and oneness as the physicality, wherein the charging/generation of positive energy came through the friction continuously exercised through the consumption of physicality/my physical body which resulted in the high amounts of positive energy that was experienced within the confines of my mind alone – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the experiences of myself as having high amounts of energy, only came through the friction as the burning of substance as physicality, all of which would only result in me burning myself down over and over and over again, until my physical body could not endure it anymore, whereas I would then eventually experience myself as being “depressive” and “physically feeble” because of having burned enormous quantities of substance for the sole benefit of my mind’s self-interest to which I then believed as being my own – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “who I am” was the fabric of the mind as energy, instead of realising that “who I am” has and will always be HERE as the physical as physicality as all as one as equal as Eternal Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind, within my meditative practices, to engulf the universe in order to “capture” as much energy as possible in order to “funnel” this energy towards and within my physical body, so that I could become a living example of a deity as the manifestation of a spiritual being coming from the high spheres of the spiritual hierarchies. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through me expressing myself within and as this “high energy accumulation”, that I was thus a living example of a deity instead of realising that who I was within and as the expression of myself as “high energy accumulation” was not the living example of a deity, but rather the living manifestation of a demonised entity as myself which only acted for the sole purpose of its self-interest as the experience of positivity as itself, instead of realising that the true living example of life is that of the physical expressing itself as the physical, without no participation within energy as positivity/neutrality/negativity as the mind, whereas the stopping of the energies as the mind comes through the practice of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so that one can change from being enslaved to the systems of the mind as energy, to being freed as the expression of life which is equal and one as physicality as all as one as equal as Life = not energetically driven at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume physicality through the projection of myself within and as the universe/cosmos/creation as that of funnelling/condensing/charging the energies of the cosmos towards and within my human physical body, because of the desire to be a god unto myself and this world so that I could create a new world which would be better than the world that I then experienced as myself – wherein I desired changing the state of the world through the powers of my mind/energies alone, because of the belief that my origin was that of energy and that through me realigning myself with the origin of myself as energy, that I would/could thus be able to “manipulate/change” the energies of the world so that the energies of the cosmos could change the state of the world through me for the better, whereas I then perceived myself as being a medium of higher cosmic energies/consciousness that would/could change the energies of the world so that a new and better world could be made manifest on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my origin as the core of my being was that of energy, because of having read the testimonies of a man who had a near death experience from within which it was revealed to him that we were made of energies, instead of realising the common sense in the fact that who I was/am as the origin of myself could/can only be equal and one with all living beings instead of being “unique” and “special” and “different” such as the state of my mind when within the “high conglomerate” of energies within and as my mind alone, and thus that the common sense origin of myself as all as one as equal can only be the physical as substance as Life, Equal and One with all living beings and not the mind as positive, neutral and negative energy experiences of the physical.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as high energy/positivity when with the company of others, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “low energy/negativity/depression” when back alone with the company of myself, which I absolutely do not want to experience any more.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com