Yesterday, I was supposed to do an activity with a girl that I met last Sunday. I was expecting to do something with her since she told me that she wanted to see me again, and do something with me at another occasion, in another context than that of our first date. After telling me that she had to go to a city which is about 2hours and a half drive from where I live from last Monday to yesterday (Wednesday), she told me that she wanted to do something with me when she would come back from the city, which was yesterday.

 

So, yesterday, I waited for her phone call but she never called. This situation left me feeling emotionally hurt since I thought that she hadn’t been honest with me after our first date, where she left me to believe that she was interested in pursuing our relationship. When the date ended, she was the one who first told me that she was interested in seeing me again – to which I emotionally reacted through feeling elated inside myself, since I honestly thought then that she was interested in me for having told me that she wanted to see me again.

 

So, since the call never came yesterday, and since I haven’t received any feedback from her since our last date, I started to turn and churn within my own mind within thoughts of insecurity towards and within myself. Thoughts of being rejected and of having been fooled by her came up within my mind, which made me feel depressed almost all of the evening and a bit of today.

 

I’ve had a lot of troubles accepting who I am physically throughout my life, mainly because of experiences that I lived through when I was a teenager which made me believe that I would never be able to have a girlfriend in my life because of my physical appearance – as I have been told many times that no girl would fall in love with me because of how I look. Even though I’ve had a few girlfriends in my life, I am still conflicted by this same belief and impression that I am unwanted by the opposite sex.

 

So, since she told me that she was interested in me, and since I truly sensed that it was probably true, considering the way she looked at me and how she laugh throughout our first date, I had high expectations with regards to building a long lasting relationship with her. However, the expectations that I have built met a wall yesterday since she hadn’t followed on her words in regards to what she told me that she would do after our first date.

 

This situation has reawakened slumbering demons within me, where thoughts filled with negatively charged energies brought me to feel depressed about myself and my situation in life – where I started thinking that I was doomed to be alone in my life because of the lingering impression that I am unwanted by the members of the opposite sex.

 

So, since I allowed myself to participate and be caught as a prisoner of my mind’s interpretation and impressions of myself in regards to the opposite sex because of her “silence” towards me – I will write out self-forgiveness statements so as to release myself from this “mind pattern” that kept me prisoner of my own mind.

 

Self-forgiveness statements:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the girl that I met last Sunday, was truly interested in me because of having taken her words as true, where she told me that she was interested in seeing me again after our first date – and that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the creation of scenarios within my mind, where I imagined myself being with her; where I imagined myself having sexual activities with her; where I imagined scenarios where I believed that the time of my celibacy was finally over – only to allow myself to be eventually deceived if those scenarios were not to be made true, which is what I have started to realise recently, as I haven’t received any feedback from her since our date last Sunday. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel energetically drained today because of not having received any feedback from her, where I expected and hoped that she would explain to me a plausible reason for her lack of communication in my regards – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations towards her because of what she told me in the end of our date last Sunday – instead of stopping myself from participating within the mind as expectations, through me having stopped myself from entertaining the thoughts, emotions and feelings in regards to what I BELIEVED her to express towards me, which was that she was apparently interested in me – and that if I am to see myself move or about to move within the mind through expectations, that I am to immediately stop myself from participating within the thusly mind generated scenarios, through the realisation that what occurs within the mind is NOT REAL and that it is my responsibility not to participate within the mind as the mind only sells ILLUSIONS – and that if I am to see myself participate within the illusions as the mind’s interpretation towards something or someone, that I am to immediately stop myself from participating within the mind, through the tools of BREATHING, so as to remind myself that I AM HERE as the physical as life, and not THERE within the mind where illusionary ideas and conceptions about reality are held as “true”, to apply the tool of writing so as to see myself for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind; self-forgiveness; self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to stop myself from participating within the patterns of the mind which holds me captive within a delusion and illusionary fantasy world, and rebirth myself as LIFE through the common sense realisation that we are the physical as life and not the mind as illusion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed for not having received any feedback from the girl that I met last Sunday, because of having accepted and allowed myself to participate within an elated feeling after I met the girl last Sunday, because of having been led to believe that she was interested in seeing me again – to which I interpreted as a sign that she liked me, to which I emotionally responded through me feeling elated within myself because of the fact that she made me believe that a girl was finally interested in me – instead of stopping myself from participating within the polarity manifestation of the mind, such as a positive feeling or negative feeling within me, and that if I am to see myself move or about to move within a mind generated feeling, whether positive or negative, that I am to immediately stop myself from participating further within my mind, through the application of the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to stop myself from the automated pattern of participating within my mind’s interpretation of reality, and rebirth myself as life as the physical, so as to act towards changing what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the limited mind, and realise ourselves as life as the physical, so that we can bring dignity into our world where life is being taken for granted.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel elated within myself after having been told by the girl that I met last Sunday, that she was interested in seeing me again, whereas I have accepted and allowed myself to feel elated within myself because of the fact that the worlds that the girl spoke in my regards, went against the belief that I still hold within my mind that “I can’t have a girlfriend because of not being attractive enough” – instead of stopping myself from participating within the elated feeling within me, through me feeding and nurturing the feeling through me allowing myself to think and generate many scenarios within my mind where I projected myself in the company of the girl, where I allowed myself to feed the elated feeling within me – instead of stopping myself from participating within this feeling through the realisation that such an allowance only allows the occurrence of the opposite side of this feeling within myself, which is depression, if what I was brought to believe revealed itself to not be true – and that if I am to see myself move or about to move within a feeling of elation towards what someone tells me, that I am to immediately stop myself from participating within such mind constructs through the tools of writing, breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to completely stop myself from participating within the patterns of the mind, and change so as to re-align myself towards the physical as that which is truly life, so as to stop being controlled by my thoughts, emotions and feelings so that I remain stable no matter what happens around me, and become a responsible human being in this world which acts in order to change the nature that we have become so as to act within the interest of all life instead of only my own.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that I am and will always be rejected by the members of the opposite sex in my life, because of apparently having been rejected by the girl that I met last Sunday, because of the fact that I haven’t got any feedback from her after our date, after she had helped generating the expectation that there was a probable future between us – instead of stopping myself from participating within the belief that “I will always be rejected by the member of the opposite sex because of my appearance”, through me applying the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to stop myself from participating within such thoughts/feelings/emotions when they emerge within me, and re-align myself to who I am as life as the physical, which is not bound to any mind constructs.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being with the girl that I met last Sunday, whereas I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the thoughts of me having sexual activities with the girl and general thoughts of being with the company of the girl, where I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the positively charged feelings and emotions that are linked to those thoughts, rather than stopping myself from participating within such mind generated energies through the use of breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to release myself from the grasp that the mind holds within me, and return to who I am HERE within the awareness of the physical as life.

 

I will continue on this point tomorrow.

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Yesterday, I was arrested by the police because I wasn’t wearing a seat-belt. What happened was that I was driving away from home but had forgotten to buckle my seat-belt as I was driving. At about 5 km away from my home, as I was approaching a street intersection, I saw what seemed like the beginning of a police car, so, instantaneously, I moved my hand towards the seat-belt so that I could attach it before being seen by the policeman who was driving the police car. Unfortunately for me, the policeman saw my gesture and lit his revolving light in order to signify his intention towards me. At first, I was sure that he lit his revolving lights in order to stop me, but I continued driving as if I was innocent. The policeman had to do a u-turn in order for him to get behind me so as to arrest me, so because of that, I expected that I would be too far for him to catch me as he had to do a U-turn while I was continuing driving forward. However, I didn’t want to drive faster, as this would suggest that I was trying to run away from the infraction that I knew I had done. But I didn’t want to have to pay the ticket that I expected to pay because I was aware of the fact that I had just committed an infraction.

So I continued driving forward, as I looked in the mirror in order to see if the police car was following me. Unfortunately for me, the police car caught up with me and opened it’s revolving lights when he was right behind me, thus I knew that the policeman had seen the infraction and that he was about to give me a ticket.

Within me, as I was awaiting my sentence by the policeman, I felt all sorts of emotions and energetic reactions as I became completely possessed by my nerves as I was completely stressed because of the fact that I was looking for something good to say to the policeman that would exempt me from paying the infraction that I was expecting from the policeman. In my mind, I was planning to lie to the policeman, by telling him that the reason why I wasn’t wearing my seat-belt, was because that I just left my friend’s house which was located at a street which I just passed by before getting arrested.

Evidently, I was lying to the policeman because I hadn’t just left my friend’s house but that I had driven about 5 km from my home before noticing the policeman as I was within all that time, not wearing my seat-belt. However, I thought within the short time span that elapsed between the time where I was arrested by the policeman and the time where the policeman came to the side of my car’s window in order to talk to me, that the best solution for me in order to get out of this situation, through me aiming to get a warning instead of a ticket by the policeman, was to tell the policeman that I just left my friend’s house which was located just on the previous street that I passed by before noticing the policeman. So, the policeman told me that he would look in his map to see if the street was far from where he saw me buckle my seat-belt as I was driving. He then asked for me to give him my driver’s licence, my insurance certificate and my matriculation certificate so that he could verify in his car’s computer if everything was in check with me.

Unfortunately, because of the stress that I was experimenting within myself, I couldn’t remember where I had placed my matriculation certificate. So, after about 3 minutes of looking helplessly for my matriculation certificate within my wallet and my car, I told the policeman that I didn’t know where it was and asked him if it was a big deal if I wouldn’t give him my matriculation certificate. The policeman told me that he would have to see in his computer in order to determine if that would incriminate me further.

So, the policeman left and went back to his car with my driver’s license and my insurance certificate.

As I was waiting in the car for the policeman to return, I experienced a plethora of feelings and energetic reactions as I was completely stressed out because of the situation. I remembered to apply the techniques of breathing in order to focus my attention to where I was HERE rather than continuously participating within the games of the mind, such as the stress and emotions that I was experiencing at the time. However, the technique wasn’t able to remove the stress of the automatic participation within the mind that I was busy participating in as I was waiting for my sentence by the police officer who was still in his car as he was assumedly checking the validity of what I told him.

So, after about 5 minutes of waiting for the policeman to do his thing, he came back – the time spent waiting for the policeman to come back seemed longer though, as the stress and the emotions that I was experimenting within myself, were so overwhelming that the time seemed to pass slower. When the policeman came back, he then told me that he would let the seat-belt situation go for this time, but that he would have to give me a ticket because of not having given him my matriculation certificate. As I looked at the ticket, I noticed that the price that I would have to pay for the infraction was of 52 dollars, which was less then what I expected – as I expected that I would get a ticket for not wearing my seat-belt, which would have cost me a bit more than 100$ ( I knew the price of such an infraction because of having paid such a ticket in my past). So, feeling content that the price was less than what I expected, I told the police officer that it was “good enough”. The policeman then told me to remember to always wear my seatbelt and left.

Once the moment was over, the stress and emotions and energetic reactions that I experienced within myself, gradually left me – thus, all the parasitic thoughts that overcame me when I was waiting for the policeman to give me my sentence, left me. So, as I was again calm and stable within myself because of the fact that I had accepted my sentence, I looked again in my wallet to see if I had my matriculation certificate somewhere in there, as I was sure that I had placed it within my wallet. Because of not being stressed, I did in fact remember where I had placed my matriculation certificate so I went and had a look at the place in my wallet where I expected the certificate to be and, lo and behold, it was there as expected. Now, I might have well done the best thing for me in my situation, by me not giving him my matriculation certificate as the price of such an infraction ( not giving the matriculation certificate to the policeman) was less than the price of the infraction of me not wearing my seat-belt. I thus thought to myself that if I had given the matriculation certificate to the policeman, that he would have then given me the infraction for not wearing my seat-belt, as this would have been more costly for me than the infraction of not giving him my matriculation certificate.

The experience that I had with the policeman showed me that I am still enslaved to the mind, even with all the efforts that I have expressed to stop it since I began my 7 years process to life application a few months ago. I understand that the process will take me 7 years minimum to complete, but I feel as if I haven’t change anything within myself through the application since I reacted in almost the exact same way that I would have in the past (sweating excessively, not being able to talk/express myself clearly because of knowing that I had committed an infraction – in essence, I reacted the same way to the policeman that I reacted to the primary authority figure in my world as I was growing up = my father, etc.).

This only means that I have more points to consider within myself in order to effectively clear myself out of the addictions that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in within my mind.

I will write my self-forgiveness statements regarding this incident in my blog tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to control others with my mind, whereas I would modify the frequencies of my mind through me practicing meditation within the goal of controlling my brainwaves, wherein I would when able to change the frequencies of my mind, control the reactions of others within the control of my energies – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was deceiving myself and others as myself through me manipulating my brainwaves in the goal of changing the perception others had on me through me changing their mind state as mirrors to the mind states I was busy manipulating/changing within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind/energies to control other’s mind/energies around me, wherein I would express myself through laughter and excessive reactions only so that I could influence the reactions of others when with my presence, whereas I would present myself as having “high energy” through me modifying the state of my mind when with the company of others, while when alone with myself I would experience myself as having “low energies”. The contrast between my behaviour when with others and my behaviour when with myself would mean that I was deceiving myself and others as myself through the false projection of myself when with others, in comparison to who I was when with myself alone, which were different expressions because of the desire to “control how others would think of me” that manifested within myself when with the company of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to control how others feel/think about me, wherein I would spend tremendous amounts of time in meditation in order to learn how to control my brainwave states so that I could control the brainwaves states of others, only because of the fear I had of knowing what others truly felt/thought about me – wherein I would practice meditation only so that I could learn techniques in how to control others through the mind, within the only goal/SOUL purpose to eventually be able to control others – all the while being driven by the fear of knowing what others truly thought/felt about myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the driving force behind my motivation to meditate was so that I could learn techniques to control others through the control of my mind state because of the fear of being “rejected” and unloved by others, instead of realising that effective self-trust and self-love is built and comes through self-honest self-investigation through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty wherein I apply myself to CHANGE so that my behaviour reflects what is best for all instead of what is best for only me as myself alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control the mind of others through the modification of my mind states wherein the control occurred within the mirroring of the behaviour/reflections of others towards my mind state, wherein I would project a dishonest image of myself because of the forced projection of myself to others as myself as something which I am/was not in fact as I was not in fact “high in energy” when with my company alone, but that this projection of myself as “high energy” was manufactured through the countless amounts of hours that I spend in meditating only so that I could reach levels of control of my own energies/frequencies within the only goal to eventually control others.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as high energy/positivity when with the company of others, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “low energy/negativity/depression” when back alone with the company of myself, which I absolutely do not want to experience any more.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind to control how others would feel about themselves when within my company, whereas I would deliberately project myself as being happy, whatever the circumstances, only to ensure that others around me would feel happy too, because of being dependant on the energies of others wherein I usually mimic the emotions/feelings/behaviours of others in order to have a “feel” on how I “feel” within my relationship with others around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest within how I present myself to others, wherein I would usually present myself as a false image of what I feel within myself only to make sure that I would fit within what was expected out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the “energy mind game” with others when I am within the company of others because of wanting/desiring that others see me as being a “good/happy person” because of the belief that if I am not perceived as being a “good/happy person” when within the company of others, that others would reject me because of not having a lot of things to give of myself other than the “good feelings” that I would manipulate myself into being only to ensure that others would perceive me as being a good/happy person, while I would feel like shit when I would be back alone with myself – wherein I would feel the reverse effect of the projection of myself as being a “good/happy/energetic person” through me becoming all of a sudden “sad/lonely/negative energetic person” because of having used all of my energies to make others feel good about themselves through burning high amounts of physicality as chemical substances within my mind, wherein I would give “all  of myself as energy” only to realise that, when back with myself all alone in my apartment, that the effects of this participation within projecting myself as “high energy/good/happy person” generated the feelings of “sadness/depression” because of not having been given the amounts of energy I gave out to others and thus realise when back with myself, that I have burned myself out for others while not receiving the same amount of energy in return.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was playing within the polarity game of the mind through me projecting myself as having/being “high energy/good/happy person”, not realising that through me participating within this game of positive energy/projection as the mind, that I would experience the negative side of this projection as the “low energy/depression/sadness” that I would feel within myself when back with myself, all alone in my apartment through the realisation that I have burned myself out for other’s perception of me, which was all for naught because of always returning to the “low energy/depression/sadness” that I would experience within myself as being alone in my apartment with no one to share my energies with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the best that I have to give to others as the “high amounts of energy” that I can muster within myself for the benefit of generating a “good atmosphere” when around with others, wherein I would “energise my mind” prior to the moments where I would be seen with others, only to ensure that I would be perceived as having “high amounts of energy” as I have defined that state of myself as being the “best that I can give to others as myself” as a gift that I would force myself to project unto others, for the benefit of their good feelings and perception of me as being a good/happy/special person who has high energy thus is a good person to be around with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the desire to be perceived as being a good person to be around with, manipulates and controls me form within so as to become the projection of happiness/high energy even if that isn’t how I normally experience myself from within – only manifesting myself as having “high energy” when within the company of others to ensure that I have the best chance as being perceived as being a good/happy person that is beneficial to be around with, because of my unconscious desire to be “loved by others” and that the only way that I have found to be loved by others, is through me exerting myself as “high energy/positivity” at the cost of the deception as sadness that I experience within myself when back as being alone with myself – wherein I would feel depressed within myself after having expended high amounts of energy when with the company of others, only to realise that it was all for naught, as I am still to be found all alone with myself when back in my apartment – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me exerting/projecting myself as having “high amounts of energy” through me manipulating/energizing my mind prior to the moments when I am found with others, that as soon as I am to be back with the company of myself alone, that I will immediately experience myself as being negative/depressive/sad because of the re-occuring state/realisation that it was all for naught, as I am still all alone with myself, with no one to be around with within the intimacy of my home – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my state of mind be dependent on the presence of others, as I feel happy when with the company of others and sad when back alone with myself, instead of realising that what I have to do first is build self-intimacy, self-love and self-trust first through the tools of investigating myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the mind, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so that I stop my participation within the cycles of “high energy” that I project of myself when with the company of others, and “low energy” that I experience within myself when back alone with myself, and CHANGE effectively so that I stop participating within these patterns of the mind and bring myself back HERE as the physical as life as that which is best for all as what is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that every time that I accept and allow myself to project myself as having “high energy” when within the company of others, that I will automatically experience myself as having “low energy” as negativity/deception/depression when I will be back and alone with myself because of the secret mind desire as self-interest to “attract” a “female” to my home, wherein I would feel depressed/deceived/negative every time that this desire is not satisfied, which is almost all the time – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that every time I accept and allow myself to participate within such games of energy as the positive projection of myself as “high energy” in order to satisfy the secret desire to “attract a female to my home”, that the negative experience of myself as the realisation of doing all of this mind game manipulation for nothing, accumulates over and over and over and over again within and as my subconscious mind, whereas I experience the accumulated and layered negative polarity charge of this mind game which manifests within and as myself as deep levels of negativity/depression/sadness through the realisation that I have yet again failed at bringing a partner with me to share and live intimate experiences with at my apartment, whenever I find myself again and again and again all alone with myself, with no one to share my life experiences with.

Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me participating within such games of “mind projections” as me projecting myself as having “high amounts of energy” only so that I have the possibility to attract a female to my home so that I may not be alone anymore, is a game/pattern of deception that I maintain within and as myself because of deceiving others as myself within the projection of myself as being of “high energy” which is ultimately false as I normally am calm and stable within and as myself when I am alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise the pattern that I keep on participating within as the cycle of “high energy as forced happiness” turning into “low energy as forced depression” and then going back to “high  energy as forced happiness” only to return to “low energy as forced depression”, going on and on and on as cycles in my mind that I accept and allow myself to participate in because of the subconscious driven desire to attract a female back to my home, even if I know of the low chance of me succeeding, wherein I press the “reset” button every time a new opportunity of attracting a female to my home presents itself to me, because of the hopes that “this time will be the good one” even if my life has proven to me that “this time will be the good one” almost never happens. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all of this is a pattern that I have enclosed myself within and as the mind as a pattern of self-abuse that I keep on participating in because of the desires/hopes that I will eventually find someone to share my life with, within which I would deliberately manipulate myself and others as myself from within so as to project the best image of myself as possible so that others may feel good about themselves when within my company, only to realise over and over and over again, that it was all for naught as I almost never get anything in return for the burning of my energies engineered to attract others to myself, whereas at the end of the day, I always find myself back alone with myself with no one to share my existence with in intimacy – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self-intimate with myself, through self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to with self-intimacy, be able to take back the control of my life and stop being manipulated by the games of the mind that I know of being all for naught.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from entertaining others as myself through me projecting a false image of myself as that of having “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, while I would always experience myself as the direct opposite of that projection as soon as I would be back and alone with myself, whereas the negative energy as depression would always be experienced in full force every time I would be back and alone with myself – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/understand/realise the futility in me participating in such games of energy with others, through me being self-honest with myself through the time and time again realisation that I do this for nothing in return, whereas I only get nothing in return of all of my expenses/burning of myself/physicality to “please” others. I forgive myself that I  haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to common sense through me stopping such destructive/abusive behaviours to and towards myself through me stopping projecting myself as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others because of the constant realisation that I do all of this for nothing as I only burn myself/physicality for an energetic experience that never comes.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that as soon as I participate within feelings of high energy/positivity/happiness when with the company of others, that I automatically generate the feelings of low energy/negativity/depression when with the company of myself alone – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I absolutely do not want to experience myself as low energy/depression/negativity and that the only way to stop me from experimenting myself as low energy/depression/negativity is through me stopping my participation within high energy/happiness/positivity when with the company of others.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as high energy/positivity when with the company of others, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “low energy/negativity/depression” when back alone with the company of myself, which I absolutely do not want to experience any more.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind to controls others, wherein I would use the energies within my mind in order to control how others would perceive me, as I was able to attain levels of energies which were extreme from within which my “presence” alone would be able to mesmerise others!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind’s energies in order to control others as myself, as through me experimenting high levels of energy as high positivity, I would at the same time control the levels of energies that others as myself would “feel”\experience within themselves as they mirrored my own, wherein the levels of energies I would be experimenting within myself within that time as high energy/positivity, would be enough to modify the levels of energies within those who contacted me, as they would thus reflect within themselves, the “high energy/high positivity” that was “my own” – Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/perceive that the “high levels of energy/positivity” that I experienced within myself within those “special” occasions were my own, wherein I would experience the levels of high energy within myself after having “moved myself” as energy from within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define those experiences of me experimenting/living high levels of energy as being “special” within which I would “place upon a pedestal” the “experiences of high energy/positivity” because of perceiving the experience of me living out extreme levels of high energy, as being the “goal” of my life, as the “goal” upon which all other achievements are measured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my potential, as being equal and one with the experiences of “high energy/positivity”, instead of realising that my “potential” is not something to attain, as some “special” energy which propulses me within spheres of “high consciousness”, but that my potential as Equal as One as LIFE as physicality, is already HERE – all that I have to do, is to stop being “there” as the mind as that which I experience whenever I ride the waves of “high energy/positivity” and use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application to stop my participation in such patterns of enslavement to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as energy to control others through me exerting myself as my mind as high energy to others as myself, wherein I would deliberately participate within sessions of meditation where I would specifically exercise my mind to perform such “acts of control”, as I began to be aware after experimenting such a high for the first time, that I was able to manipulate the behaviours of others through changing my own – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wanted/desired to control others through the energies of my mind, wherein I would deliberately “play” with the energies within my mind, in order to attain “high levels of energy” as I was addicted to the experience after the first time where I experienced such a degree of level of high energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mermerised in front of the experience of me living out “high levels of energy” for the “first time”, wherein I would be so high within the energies within my mind, that I would be mesmorised by what was always busy occuring in front of me as the flow of time as now.

To be continued tomorrow…

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

 

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

 

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to base my self expression on how I feel because of the belief that I am who I am only when I feel high or good enough.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that who I am is what I feel because of the expanding feeling that I had in the past after I experienced my first manic episode

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to base my identity on the feeling of high because of believing that I am equal to who I truly am as the source of life only when I feel high within myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the high feeling is of the mind consciousness system and thus, to desire the high feeling is to desire the low feeling

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to perceive who I am as life as the feeling of high because of the extreme feeling that opened myself up to an extreme perception of unity with the universe while I was working on the project “code conscience” back in the year 2003

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the feeling of high that I experimented back in the year 2003 was not of life but of the mind consciousness system

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to continuously believe that my true self expression only comes when I am high enough because of the feeling of expansion as the expression of myself that I believed to be my true expression while I was within the high feeling that was generated by the mind consciousness system as I was working on the project to create a conscious computer program back in 2003

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to seek the same feeling of high that I had back in the year 2003 because of the sense of wonderment that I got while working on the “code conscience” project that led me to believe that who I really am is equal to that feeling of high.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I cannot express myself properly unless I feel high enough within myself because of the ease into which I express myself when I feel high

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel bad about myself when I am not feeling high enough because of the difficulties I have to express myself unconditionally when I am not supported by a high enough feeling from within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to value the high feeling as the true and greatest expression of myself because of the apparent liberating experiences that my first high feeling brought to me in the past while I was working on the project “code conscience”.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to live in the goal to relive my past so that I can feel the exact same feeling of high I experimented back then because of me not seeing any other thing worthy of living for in my present life

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that my current life is unworthy of living because I do not feel as good about myself as I did in the past

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “feeling depressed” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of guilt of ‘I must be depressed’, I stop, breathe, see if I have missed an opportunity to self correct into Oneness and Equality from which the guilt arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the guilt and self correct, if not I stop, self forgive my participation in guilt as an automated response to a pattern of self Abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “feeling depressed” and from judging myself and others as ‘being depressed’, through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of Illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every Living Being.

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com