I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when alone, harbour feelings of sadness and depression, thus limiting me from existing in the physical, from living equal and one to the physical wherein I will often experience a yearning to be with someone and socialize instead of living within the breath, living with the touch, living here with myself expressing myself equal and one with the physical, stopping myself from expressing myself equal and one with feelings of sadness and depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be with someone such as with the company of another instead of realising that the “someone” that I am in want/need/desire of is myself and within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be/learn self-intimate with myself, thus to limit my self-expression to the inner chatting within the mind, rather than to express myself as who I truly am equal and one with and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to be self-intimate with another while not having been self-intimate with myself in the first place, thus jeopardizing my relationship with another because of not having learned how to be self-intimate with myself in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of positivity, of happiness when I am around others, talking, socializing, living with others, only to create a polarity of negativity as sadness, depression, self-hate, that manifests within myself when I exist on my own – alone, when I do not have company – within this separating myself from myself when/as I am with other people and when I am with myself, and separating myself from other people through allowing myself to define myself by the experience that I created when/as I was with other people and then define that I am happy when I am with other people, wherein the word other here is in separation as I am never “with other” people I am always with myself, and through defining myself in/as an experience with other people I am only being dishonest to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as a living being, through and with the relationship I have with another/others, where I only allow myself to find self-contempt when I am with the presence of others/another, while being discontent when I am alone with myself because of the negative feelings that I have associated with being alone, which goes against the positive definition of myself I have associated with the fact of being with others/another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship with myself based on depression, sadness on being alone with myself, based on a hate towards myself and a yearning, a desire, to escape myself wherein I will look for substances and chemical reactions within myself in order to avoid facing myself, wherein I will watch tv until I am saturated, so that I can create a positive chemical reaction within myself of “happiness” through the entertainment, or resort to drugs to escape myself – such as pot/marijuana -, creating a positive chemical reaction to/as the drugs so that I can avoid facing myself as the sadness/depression that I accept myself to exist within, or use alcohol to limit my perception of/as who I am within the moment in order to avoid facing the relationship that I have created with myself of/as sadness/loneliness instead of being here with myself in breath and changing my relationship with myself through using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-correction where I stop the yearning and desire to escape the experience of myself through entertaining myself with a positive chemical reaction/response so that I can avoid myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy the behaviours of my parents/teachers/friends/acquaintances from within which I have associated the feeling of “aloneness”, where I become and transform the presentation of my physical self to that of sadness, changing my mannerisms so as to reflect the sadness that I have learned to associate with “being alone” through my relationships with my parents/teachers/friends as I was growing up in this world, rather than realising that all I ever was and ever will be is “being alone” with myself and through this realisation, stop myself from participating in judgments of “sadness/loneliness” through the tools of BREATHING, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wand/need/desire/seek to avoid myself through the usage of substances/activities such as drugs, alcohol and entertainment, where I allow myself to remain entrapped within the collectively agreed upon systems of abuse as the mind, rather than self-directing myself out of these abusive dependencies through the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application and be HERE with myself in all moments of BREATH, thus developing a relationship of self-trust, self-worth and self-love wherein I do what is best for me as life at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in ways which are not best for me as life at all times, with such behaviours as smoking pot, drinking alcohol and spending endless amounts of time watching television and playing video games, only so that I can forget/”get away from” myself through the suppression of the negatively charged energies that has become the experience of me whenever I am alone with myself – thus seeking to “get away” from that feeling of loneliness rather than facing what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, equal and one with sadness/loneliness, and debunking/deconstructing/deprogramming what I have blindly accepted and allowed myself to become as the mind, through the time tested tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have developed this pattern within myself within the first 7 years of my life and that I am able to CHANGE myself through deprogramming the programs/systems within myself as the mind, through self-investigation using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective statements and stop the yearning to escape myself with abusive patterned behaviours and be HERE with myself in all moments and in all BREATHS.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “loneliness” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of sadness as the thought of “I am alone/have no friends to share my time with”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the sadness arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the sadness game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in sadness as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “being alone” through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

 

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the negative energetic experiences such as feeling down.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the negative energetic experience such as feeling down, is in direct relationship with my participation within positive energetic experiences, such as feeling high, and that both experiences functions in cycles where when I allow one to exist in a moment, I allow the other in another moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the positive energetic experiences such as feeling high, is in direct relationship with my participation within negative energetic experiences, such as feeling down, and that both experiences functions in cycles where when I allow one to exist in a moment, I allow the other in another moment..

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me participating within polarity such as my allowed participation within positively charged experiences, that I instantly doom myself to experience negatively charged experiences as soon as the positive experience will be no more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out positive experiences because of the belief that it is my goal to be positive in life and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience negatively charged experiences because of my allowed participation within positively charged experiences.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise the nature of energetic experiences, within that each time one experiences a positively charged experience, one is automatically inviting the opposite of that experience to manifest within oneself at a moment where the positively charged experience will be no more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the weather with the behaviour, within that when it is cloudy/dark/grey/rainy outside, I automatically experience myself through and within negatively charged energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as WHO I AM REALLY as being an entity which is fundamentally energetic and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume WHO I REALLY AM AS THE PHYSICAL because of me wanting/desiring/wishing to experience myself as “more” through charging myself up within and as positively charged energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume who I really am as the physical, through me deliberately participating in activities/thoughts/experiences which are positively charged, not realising that the mere expression as me as a positively charged energy, is in fact caused by the friction/spite/blame that I have towards physicality as who I really am as one as equal as life as all living beings – and within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the experience of positivity is/has been generated through the constant abuse of physicality as me through the use of spite/blame/judgments as the friction which generates the energetic experience of myself as being positively-charged.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that all energetic experiences within me are generated by the mind through the use of blame/spite/justifications/judgments as the friction which consumes the physicality as me for the sake of the mind desired experience of/as positivity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel down whenever my wants/needs/desires are not met through and within the experiences of myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel up whenever my wants/needs/desires are met through and within the experiences of myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by events of the outside world, such as the weather, and thus allowed myself to experience the energetic outflow of the outside events without realising that I am within this, being manipulated and controlled for the purpose/sake of the self-interests of the authorities/consumerism in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel drawn towards and within the stomach area whenever I experience the negative energetic experiences such as “feeling down”, from within which the will to act gets silenced because of the negative energetic experienced within and as my stomach area.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “lack the will to act” whenever I experience the feeling of being pulled within and as my stomach area through an experience that I have associated with negativity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I “lack the will to act” whenever I experience “pulling sensations towards and within my stomach” as the physical consequence-outflow of the mind’s energetic possession as negativity – and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/feed the negatively charged energies within me through my allowed participation within thoughts/emotions/ideas/beliefs which are negatively charged, such as the thought of “it’s a sad looking day”, or “I’m all alone today”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that what I tell myself in my mind, automatically manipulates and changes the energetic experience within myself thus making me a slave to the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions within myself – which can be easily manipulated/programmed/steered by the elite in this world – rather than being the self-directive principle of me in my world as the physical as one as equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store the feelings of negatively charged experiences within the stomach region, thereby manipulating the physical experience of myself to that of “lacking something” and thereby making me want/need/desire the “thing” which will make me full again – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the storing of the negatively charged experiences within and as my stomach region, generates the sensation of a void from within which I seek to “full”fill – make full again – through me following the thoughts/feeling/emotion that are associated with the negatively charged feeling – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thoughts/feelings/emotions that stem from the feeling of a void within and as my stomach region, because of the be-LIE-f that through me following the thoughts/feelings/emotions, that I can “full””fill” (make full again) the void which is driving me from within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated/driven by the void within and as my stomach region whenever I am under the influence of a negatively charged energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions whenever I find myself a prey to negatively charged energies – such as through the belief that whatever these thoughts/feelings/emotions tells me are in fact what I WANT/NEED/DESIRE to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind as thought/feeling/emotion whenever I am experiencing positively or negatively charged energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel “down” within myself whenever I perceive my environment as being negative to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel “down” whenever my goals driven by the interactions within my mind – such as thoughts/emotions/feelings/ideas – are not met by my immediate surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bind the experience of myself to/towards outside events such as the weather – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that to have my sense of self determined by the outside world is to allow myself to be manipulated/controlled by the outside world/elite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel down” whenever my wants/needs/desire are not immediately met, such as the desire to be intimate with someone – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that it is only through me being self-intimate with myself that my need to be intimate with someone is met.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self-intimate with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to damn me to this life of subservience to the mind, because of having separated me from all and everything as myself as the first choice that I ever did in this existence – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to damn myself to this hellish existence of being subservient to the mind rather than being free as life as all as one as the physical as what is HERE equal and one.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself back to myself through the act of self-forgiveness whenever I am faced with an emerging point of and as myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow in self-pity whenever I am faced with an event/experience that I did/do not want/need/desire to participate in – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by my wants/needs/desires where I automatically feel like shit when those wants/needs/desires are not met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to my wants/needs/desires, from within which I have programmed feelings of negativity and positivity within myself, so as to ensure that I remain driven by that which I as the mind, use to enslave me – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by self-interests of attaining positively charged experiences while closing my eyes to the consequence-outflow of self-interests as the abusive nature that man has become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out thrills and excitement in order that I can experience myself as living because of the programmed be-LIE-f that life is equivalent of a thrill or excitement – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have associated the act of living to the experience of energetic highs such as a thrill or excitement, from within which the experience of highs blind me from the consequence-outflow of such experiences – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the consequence-outflow of the practice of self-interest is the allowance and acceptance of the evil nature that man has become as the greatest abusive force in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse physicality as life as the principle of oneness and equality through the allowed participation in self-interest as the wants/needs/desires of myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify who I am as the sense of self which is prevalent within me, as the nature and experience of energetic possessions, such as the positively charged and negatively charged entities within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that for me to experience a positively charged experience, I have to experience a negatively charged experience within and as myself – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the negativity as me within the depths of my physicality only so that I can experience positivity as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that through me supressing negativity within the depths of my physicality, that I am actually hurting/consuming the very life essence of me as physicality only so that I may experience positivity for a moment.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “feeling down” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of feeling down as the thought of “I am alone/have nothing to do”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the feeling arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the feeling game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in feeling as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “feelings” through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to stop my allowed participation within thoughts/emotions/ideas/beliefs which are positively charged or negatively charged.

I commit myself to realise that all wants/needs/desires are of the mind which makes me easily controlled by the outside world – thus making me a slave to whatever is happening in my immediate surroundings rather than realising that who I am as the physical as the principle of oneness and equality remains stable HERE within and as the physical as life, unmoved by any reactions of and within the mind.

I commit myself to stop my participation within energetically charged experiences through me, whenever I experience the movements of positive or negative energies within me, immediately stop such participations through the BREATH/BREATHING and place myself HERE within and as the physicality as me. If an opportunity to self-forgive arises, I apply self-forgiveness aloud or within myself. I remind myself that the energetically charged experience/thought/feeling/emotion is a pattern that I no longer want to participate in and as the mind.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Today I went to the clinic in order to check on a problem that i’ve been having with my physical body for about a week or so. The problem i’ve been having concerned a bursted pimple which is located at the base of my spinal colomn, just next to the coccyx. Since about a week or so, the pimple bursted and there’s been a liquid consisting of puss and blood which have been seaming out of it ever since. The liquid flows constantly without any form of suture around the area of the wound, making it an open wound, and I have to continuously replace a cotton swab just to make it so that the liquid doesn’t stain my underwear. It is rather uncomfortable since I have to think about the ways that i sit whenever i am sitting down, in order to make sure that the cotton swab doesn’t move even if i have placed gummed paper around the cotton swab.

As I was sitting down waiting for the doctor to call my name, I was wondering on the gravity of my situation – not thinking that it was grave per say, but just wondering if it would mean that I would need an intervention such as an operation in order to remove the abscess completely. I have surfed the net prior to the visit at the clinic in order to get some information on my wound. There I found out that this type of wound, especially if it remains open, generally need an operation in order to remove whatever is causing the puss to form from within the wound itself. Thus, the necessity of an operation where a doctor would open the abscess, remove the material that is causing the formation of puss and then put a mesh of some sorts in order to make sure that the puss wouldn’t come out.

So, i was sitting down wondering about all this stuff when I finally got to see the doctor – after having waited for about an hour before being served because of a mistake that the doctor made concerning my family name ( he believed that my appointment had been cancelled because there had been a mistake in my appointment where it was believed that my sister was the one who was supposed to meet the doctor and not me… ). Whithin my appointment with the doctor, he determined that it would be best for me to take on a cream and some medication in order to see if they could heal my abscess. He told me that this type of situation would generally mean an operation, but that before we reached that conclusion, that it would be best for me to take a medication and a cream to see if it could heal the wound. After about a month or so, if the abscess is still there after having taken this method of treatment, then I would need to consider having an operation. The doctor warned me though that if I would need an operation, that it would mean that I would have to wait about 6 months for the wound to close. So right now, the viable solution is the medication and the cream he prescribed to me. I will see in about a month or so if I still need a medical intervention. For now though, I will use the treatment that the doctor suggested to me and hope that it will be enough to heal the wound.

Self-forgiveness on the harm done towards my physical body:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body through the usage of substances which are harmfull to my physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to eat sugar in great quantity, not realising that sugar is harmfull for my physical body – therefore, i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek the pleasure as the energetic addiction/temptation towards and within the substance abuse of sugar, only so that I may experience a positive energetic experience within myself without considering the harm that the substance such as sugar creates within and as the physicality of and as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse substances such as smoking mariuana, only so that i could experience the energetic high that comes with the intake of that substance, not realising that through me taking on that substance, I allow myself to participate within energetic temptations/highs only so that i could experience the positive energy as the friction generated within and as the mind – within this, I forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that by me using substances such as mariuana, i allow myself to participate within the nature of the mind as energy and through this, I allow myself to continue on with the abuse of phisicality as life for the expence of mind generated possessions such as the positive entity that is generated through the intake of marijuana, which only lasts for a moment while the damage done to my physical body lasts longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body through me taking on substances such as alcool only because of the addiction that I have generated within myself as the temptations of the mind, to within that temptation only seek personal interests/goals of experiencing an energetic experience such as the feeling of being drunk, which is a disgrace and a deliberate attempt at harming my physical body – within this, I forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that alcool is harming my physical body and that as such, is to be forever forbidden for it allows the abuse of the physical as life to continue with my allowed participation in the intake of alcool.

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body through the peer pressure that is generated whenever i am within a situation where I am asked to take on such abusive substances as alcool only so that I may “fit in” with the group – within this, i forigive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bend in front of peer pressure whenever I am within a situation of abuse towards the physical body, where from within which I would take on the abusive substance such as alcool only so that I would “fit in” with the group.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to arm my physical body through me taking on excessive amounts of sugar even if my body is telling me to STOP within the awareness that sugar is harming my physical body – within this, i forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself from the common sensical reaction/words as the body telling me through pains of all sorts, that the abusive substance such as sugar is harming my physical body and through this, selecting to not listen to my physical body at the expense of the “high” that is awaiting me through the substance abuse of sugar.

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately harm my physical body through the smoking of cigarettes because of the blind addiction towards nicotine which is an absolute harm towards my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek pleasures of the mind while being in total disrespect for my physical body, through me seeking highs from the intake of abusive substances such as marijuana rather than seeking to ground myself within and as the reality of me as the physical body as life – through the application of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application – within this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to “wait for things to get worse” before I decide to actually change in order to do what is best for all through me stopping my participation within the games of polarity as the mind, as the games of winners and losers and re-align myself to and towards the true nature of me as the physical as life as one and equal to all living biengs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the human physical body to be and become a disgrace to and towards life through me accepting and allowing such participation such as the intake of harmfull substances only so that I can reach new energetic highs at the expense of my physical body – within this, i forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the hights as the energetic experiences that i seek to have only hurts the physicality as me through the constant and continuous consumption of physicality as the energetic highs that I experience within and as my mind.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire for abusive substances” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as “I want sugar/marijuana/alcohol/abusive substances”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “desire” through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

 

I have been diagnosed by those of the medical industry as being bipolar since 2003. At that particular time in my life, I experienced states of consciousness which brought me to disconnect from reality through the effects of the mind exercises that I was then busy doing unto myself. What I then saw as “mind exercises” were techniques that I came upon as I was surfing the net in search of everything that I deemed as being spiritual. Of those techniques, one particularly caught my attention and was brought upon the listening of a particular sound/music which was sold as brain entrainment – within which the music that I would listen to had the designed properties of bringing one’s state of consciousness into deeper and deeper levels of awareness. One would listen to the music within designed orders that would propel the listener to deeper states of awareness. The name of the music was called “holosync” and had within its patterned sound, a “binaural beat” rhythm that would “entrain” the mental state into deeper states of awareness, such as the beta, alpha and theta brain wave states.

I remember that at one point during the time when I was religiously listening to the holosync technology, I began to perceive life differently, within which I was under the ominous impression that I was “behind everything”. This feeling of being “behind everything” stayed with me for weeks, where I would devote my energies in finding the cause of that new found feeling. Without going into too much details of this experience, I will nonetheless say that this feeling brought me to, at one point, disconnect from reality and live experiences which would eventually lead me to get hospitalised.

The behaviour that I manifested at the time was the behaviour of someone who was in a “manic state of mind” as what is described by the medical industry. What it meant for me was that, for instance, I had too much energy thus I couldn’t sleep for days on end – where I would find myself working on an impossible project of creating a computer program that would have a mind of its own. Although the computer program was doomed since the moment the idea entered my mind, I still believed that I could have eventually created the computer program that would have a mind of its own. I was under the influences of many different sources at the time – different sources, like my knowledge of computers and psychology, which brought me to believe that I had the knowhow to create such a program. However, the idea never manifested itself as I was led to deviate from my initial goal as I was within the process of birthing such an idea. Thus, at one point, my mother became worried for my behaviour, where I wouldn’t sleep and stay for entire days in front of the computer, trying to figure out the key of consciousness, as I was looking to make the computer program conscious of itself. So, one day, when my mother saw that I wasn’t listening to her or to my uncle who tried to convince me that I was being led astray by my own mind, she decided to call the police so that I may be brought to the hospital for treatment.

The police came and we decided under common grounds, that it would be best for me to go to the hospital, which I did. Once at the hospital, they eventually diagnosed my condition as being that of bipolar disorder. Having been forced to stay at the hospital for 3 weeks, I was medicated intensely so as to treat the condition of mind I was under as I first came to the hospital.

However, I never saw my condition as being an illness of some sorts, but rather saw it as being a gift that I needed to uncover for myself. What I experienced within the manic state of mind was so out of the ordinary that I was brought to believe that whatever I experienced within that mind set was real. That was not what those of the medical industry believed however, and I was forced to take on medication for what they then told me would be of 5 years.

Having never seen myself as being ill, I never respected the doctor’s orders thus never took the medication that was prescribed to me. This had caused me to experience 4 more manic episodes, all of which brought me to subsequent hospitalisation, the latest of which was the one that I experienced last year – whereas I had to be hospitalised for a bit more than 3 months. Within my latest hospitalisation, I have been ordered by the court to take my medication, for the medical industry and the legal system had come under the agreement that it would be best for me to take my medication, considering my past hospitalisations and my tendency to not take the medication that was prescribed to me. Thus, ever since October 2011, I am now forced to take medication, where I have regular meetings with my psychiatrist and nurse in order to check my system for the proper amount of medicine in my blood – to ensure that I do take the medication.

So, even though I despise the effect that the medication has upon my body, I still continue on taking the meds through the imposed force of the legal system. Although I still do not respect the amount of medication that has been prescribed to treat my condition, I still take the medication – although to lesser amount than what the doctors believe – which brings me to feel rather confused most of the time.

The state of mind which triggered my condition was a state of “manic mindset”. This particular mindset created a cycle within my system where it would return almost to the exact same moment of year from that moment on – within which I would re-live such a mindset almost every year which had brought me to subsequent hospitalisations, all of which I did not respect the posology of the doctors until the last hospitalisation of last year.

Since the bipolar disorder is still a big part of my “psychological makeup”, I will do self-forgiveness on the points of me facing my mental condition and the imposed taking of the medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop the condition of “manic disorder” because of having allowed myself to enter the trap of the mind which brought me to believe that I was “special” because of having experienced a “manic episode” which brought me to “perceive” reality from a perspective which was then new to me – within which I experienced sensations that I never experienced before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the sensations that I first experienced back in 2003 were experiences that would make me “more special than others” because of the new found perspectives from which I then perceive the NOW moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the idea that the sensation that I found back in 2003, would return cyclically because of the belief that I had then opened up a door within my mind which would manifest itself every year from that point on.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the new found sensations that I then found to be new within my perspective of life at the moment, were traps of the mind consciousness system from within which I would only perceive other dimensions of the mind consciousness system which is not real in the first place, but only a virtual representation of reality which is here as the physical as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking the medication that was prescribed to me by the doctors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel confused when I take on the medication that was prescribed to me last year by the psychiatrist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sleepy when I take on the medication that was prescribed to me last year by the psychiatrist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change from the effects of the medication which affected only my mind and not my body thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the effects the medication has on the mind consciousness system, through reactions of depression and happiness induced by the medications rather than remaining here stable as the physical as all as one as equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “want to kill myself” because of the imposed orders upon me by the medical and legal system where I have to take the medications for the next 3 years, minimum or having to face the consequences of the law for not abiding to the judge’s orders concerning the taking of the medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that the mindset I was on when I was in a manic state of mind, was real – within which I perceived reality through the eyes of a particularly active mind which was the consequence of me wanting to “create a computer program” that would be “conscious” of itself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the mindset I was on as I was under the influence of the Meditative music by the name of Holosync, was externally induced thus was not really a consequence of my own spiritual advancements to which I pushed myself to be LIEf to be the case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a lie that I told to myself as that of being a person who is able to create a computer program that can think by itself – within which I knew deep down inside of me, as being impossible within the time frame where I had my first experience of “manic” episode.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of guilt of ‘I must be mentally ill’, I stop, breathe, see if I have missed an opportunity to self correct into Oneness and Equality from which the guilt arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the guilt and self correct, if not I stop, self forgive my participation in guilt as an automated response to a pattern of self Abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “feeling manic” and from judging myself and others as ‘being less than me’, through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of Illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every Living Being.

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com