Yesterday, I went and had a midnight walk in a field next to a house I lived in when I was 25 years old, which was the year where I experienced my first experience of manic energy, from within which I developed the condition of bipolarity as a defined mental illness.

 

As I was walking down the field, memories and surges of feeling energies came rushing back into my mind whereas I remembered within the rushing movements that was busy occurring within my mind, all of my significant experiences that I lived/experienced when I had the habit of going into that field when I was 25 years old. In my mind, there was this rush of many different emotions and feelings and thoughts that all came back to my conscious awareness from within which I could experience almost to the exact feelings, every significant moments that I had ever lived when going to that field in my past. I remembered almost all of the dialogues that I had with myself when I went to that “special place” that I had defined as being my “fortress of solitude” such as the name that was given to the place of resourcing for the fictional character of “superman”.

 

There were many significant experiences from within which I had built the belief of being a being of light/energy that came back to my awareness, and I could actually feel the same feelings of being overwhelmed with positive energy that I had the habit of reinforcing when I went to that specific location for meditation purposes in my past. I remembered all the times that I spent alone in that “special” location, where I used to talk to the trees, plants, stars and the universe wherein I believed myself as being a messenger from the “central sun” – such as the “central sun” that was defined in a “light worker” book that I read at the time, where it was suggested that the center of the galaxy as the “central sun” would eventually directly change life on earth through a “beam of light” that would impact earth so as to change life into a life that was worth living for – and that my purpose in life was to “inform all of humanity” of the “messages of light” that were coming from the center of the galaxy.

 

Needless to say that I was deeply fucking with myself within the beliefs that I was enforcing within myself for the purpose of complying with my desires to be “more than” what I saw myself as being, which was this tiny human being in face of the immensity of the universe. Thus, without proper wisdom and common sense, I delved deeply into the belief that I was a being of light and that my purpose in life was to prepare others through me being a messenger of the central sun, as was explained within some of the “light worker” books that I was reading at the time. The extent to which I fucked with myself became obvious through the “mental condition” that I developed through that desire of being equal to that of a being of light/high energy, which eventually brought me to develop the condition of bipolarity, such as I have explained in my previous posts.

 

Self-forgiveness on being a “light worker”:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a being of light/energy, because of having been influenced by a testimony that I read when I was 25 years old about the near death experiences that a man had where he described his experience as being within the realms of light/energy wherein he was brought to realise that everything was made of light/energy and that his/our purpose was to create as much light/energy as possible so that the universe would be fed by light/energy throughout existence, instead of realising the absolute separation towards physicality as life within such a testimony, whereas it was only the realm of the finite mind as illusion that was being experienced by the man and not the real and infinite realm of physicality as life – and that from within this testimony, that I have completely fucked myself up into the belief that our origins as beings were that of being made of light/energy, that has generated such experiences of manic energy within and as myself because of wanting/desiring to comply to that belief through me accumulating as much positive energy as possible so as to “give” that energy to the universe as statements of who and what I am so as to fulfill the “life’s goal” of giving as much energy/light as possible to the universe that I was brought to believe was the goal of all living things within this world.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from participating within the accumulation of positive energy as the mind ever since that experience of me reading the testimony that the man made about his near death experience, because of the belief that my goal was to accumulate as much positive energy as possible so as to be able to make the universe even more of and as “light/energy”, instead of realising that all throughout that time where I accumulated positive energy as the mind, that I was only furthering the enslavement of myself to consciousness whereas I have created such conditions as being/becoming bipolar, wherein the energy that I experienced within and as myself as the total accumulation of positive energy within and as my mind became so extensive that I actually became one and equal to the “god consciousness” wherein I believed and perceived myself as being equal and one to the “god consciousness” because of the “never before experimented amount of positive energy” that I eventually experienced within and as myself as the mind, while under the delusion of building as much as positive energy as possible so as to comply to the “life’s goal” that I believed was the most fundamental goal of all living beings through the reading of the man’s testimony, so as to make the universe expand within and as what it essentially was, which I believed it to be of light/energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the accumulation/gaining of as much positive energy as possible ever since the time where I read the man’s near death testimony, wherein I would deliberately participate within sessions of meditation which were designed to build as much positive energy as possible so as to become a being of light/energy as such was what I believed myself as essentially being through the reading of the man’s near death experience, instead of realising that through me accepting and allowing myself to build as much positive energy as possible, that I was thus only suppressing more and more the negative energies within and as my physical body and that I was thus only furthering the system of polarity as the enslavement of the physical towards and within the confines of the limited mind, rather than stopping myself from participating within the polarity games of the mind through the tools of BREATHING, self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to become one and equal to what I truly essentially always was and am, which was/is the manifestation of life eternal HERE within and as the physical body as all as one as equal as Life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the delusion of being a being of light/energy, have created a “special bond/relationship” towards a field that was/is located next to the house where I lived at, at the time where I read the man’s near death’s testimony, whereas I have defined that location/spot as being “my fortress of solitude” wherein I saw myself as being like “superman” and that that “special location” was the place where I would go to resource myself within the accumulation/gaining of positive energy as the nature which surrounded me, much like the “fortress of solitude” of the fictional character of “superman” – instead of realising that all I was busy doing within the times where I went to that “special place” as the field which was located next to the house where I lived at at the time, was to accumulate/build emotional relationships/ties towards that specific place and the environmental elements that were/is within that place, such as the trees that I then perceived as being beings of light within which existed a mystical wisdom that was being shared with me when I went to that specific location for meditation/resourcing of myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that all I was busy doing while I went to that specific location/spot, was to reinforce my emotional bond/relationship/ties to that physical location, whereas the mere thought of that place has generated feelings of longing/nostalgia because of the emotional/energy experiences that I experienced while I went to that specific place, which only enslaved me further within the systems of the mind, such as the emotions/feelings connected to that area, instead of stopping myself from participating within such games of the mind as the emotions of longing and nostalgia through the use of BREATHING, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to completely stop myself from participating within the mind as illusions and bring myself back HERE as who I truly am as life as the physical, all as one as equal as all living beings, so that I can really become an example to all of what it is to be a responsible human being who behaves in ways which are best for all life, such as me sorting myself out through the DIP program and to support organisations such as the Equal Money System in order to bring about a world which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was a messenger from the “central sun” wherein my purpose in life was to inform all of humanity of the impending change that would eventually happen on earth, through the “messages” that I believed were coming from the “central sun” through my influences generated through the reading of a “light worker” book from within which it was explained that the “central sun” would eventually send a beam of light towards earth so as to change life in order to bring about a new dimension of earth, such as allowing earth to ascend to another dimension – from within which I perceived myself as being a being of light which purpose was to prepare humanityas a messenger for the change that was to come, and also to prepare myself to go into the higher dimensions where the new earth would manifest itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate overwhelming feelings of positive energy when I went to the “special field” that was next to my house when I was 25 years old, wherein I would spend enormous amounts of time meditating and spelling out mantras so as to align myself to the high frequencies of light, such as the frequencies of light I imagined as being the frequencies from within which operated the beings of light I was busy reading about from within my books and websites which revolved specifically around such beings – instead of realising that through me accepting and allowing myself to participate within such meditative practices which had the purpose of building and building and building and accumulating and accumulating and accumulating enormous amounts of positive energies, would only further my enslavement to the disease of the mind, as I was thus simultaneously building and building and building and accumulating and accumulating and accumulating enormous amounts of negative energies within and as my subconscious mind – in order to balance out all of the positive energies that I was busy accumulating within my consciousness – which eventually manifested within deep experiences of depression where I thought of killing myself because of the overwhelming amout of negative energy that eventually made itself aware within and as my consciousness. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me accepting and allowing myself to participate within the accumulation of positive energy, that I was instantaneously accepting and allowing myself to participate within the accumulation of negative energy because of the common sense equation that one doesn’t come without the other, as it is the foundation of the polarity games of the mind, which only enslaved me further within the disease of the mind as separation – instead of stopping my participation within such a disease as the polarity games of the mind, through me simply BREATHING so as to return to who I am HERE within and as self-honesty as the breath as life, equal and one with who I truly am as the physical as life HERE, instead of running away from who I am HERE within the delusion of meditation and spiritual practices which only reinforces the delusion of being equal and one with the mind as our absolute identity, while our absolute identity is simply who we are HERE as the physical as all as one as equal, within the principle of oneness and equality as life.

 

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as the accumulation of positive energy through meditations, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as games of polarity, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

 

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

 

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “sensing energy swell up within me” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

 

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of a light/energy being, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

 

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of light/positive energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

 

 

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

 

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to my  “pt” because of the concern of protecting my own self-interest in not taking the “mn” that he “pd” to me, whereas the act of me acting upon my self-interest of not taking the “mn” is not a “bad” thing as it is me taking a stand for what I accept and allow myself to ingest/take within my human physical body whereas I am the authority of me in my world and the fact of me experiencing negative experiences while taking the “mn”, such as the feeling of drowsiness/comatose/sleepiness that overcomes me when I do take the “mn”, is enough for me to know that the substance that my  “pt” has “pd” to me in order to treat my condition, is not good for me – within which I have decided not to take the “mn” “pd” to me by my  “pt” because of those negative effects within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience negative energies within and as myself when I do take the “mn”, whereas I experience the feelings/sensations of drowsiness/sleepiness/comatose/zombie-like/confusion within myself because of the unconscious relationship as the chemical responses that my mind exercises through the intake of the “mn”, as my mind is still unconsciously manipulated by such substances so as to change the chemical responses within the activities of my brain, instead of stopping such unconscious reactions through me going into the depths of my mind constructs and stop those reactions through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to stop myself from reacting within the unconscious chemical reactions which generates those negative energetic experiences that operates whenever I do take the “mn”. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously/subconsciously react through and as the modified chemical responses within and as my brain whenever I do take the “mn”, whereas I believe/perceive myself as being powerless within the fact that I seemingly do not have control of the chemical responses/reactions that operates within my brain as I take the “mn”, since those responses/reactions operates within the depths of my unconscious/subconscious mind, instead of realising that I do have power and control over the chemical reactions/responses that occurs within and as my brain when I take the “mn”, because of being the creator of everything as myself, which includes the reactions/responses that are operated within and as all of the different layers of mind, such as the unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind, and that in order for me to change/stop the chemical reactions that operates within the depths of my unconscious and subconscious minds, that I have to work/look even deeper within myself as what I have unconsciously accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind, through the tools of self-investigation, writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy within myself when I answered the question that my “ne” asked me in orer to know if I did/do take my “mn”, whereas I felt uneasy/uncomfortable within myself because of me lying to the “ne” through me saying that I did/do take the “mn” while this was/is false – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself because of having lied to my “ne”, whereas I experienced a dichotomy as a friction within myself when I lied to my “ne” because of not being honest with the “ne” as myself and thus, experienced myself as being “dishonoured” because of allowing myself to lie to the “ne”, even if I knew that I had no other choice in the matter, as to tell the truth to my “ne” regarding the fact that I do not take the “mn” would only attract more problems for me to face with the “ml” corps/profession, as I have been issued a “ct” “or” to take my “mn” at the end of last year, whereas if I do not take the “mn” that I would have to face the dire consequence that they have reserved for me, which is to go back to the “hl” for treatment/containment, to which I do not want to happen to me. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the act of me lying to my “ne” is me taking a stand for myself through the statement that I do not need the “mn” in order to “heal” me, as I am absolutely confident in being able to “heal” me through my own personal application, such as through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, whereas the dependency to the “mn” to “heal me” is only a “crutch” that doesn’t in fact “change/heal” me, but only makes me “worse” within the fact that the “mn” creates a dependency to an outside source other than myself in order to “heal/save” me, wherein nothing outside of myself will/can save/heal me, as I am the only one who created this condition as being bipolar and that I alone can change/stop this condition within myself through me not accepting and/or allowing myself to participate within energies of the mind – no “mn” necessary/allowed as this would be me stating that I cannot change/stop me from participating within the energies of the mind, which is absolutely ludicrous as I am the creator of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and because of that, that I can create a new me which isn’t addicted to energy through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application and thus become a living example that proves to others as myself that one can change oneself without the aid of “mn” in order to become that which is best for all, as that which is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/spite/blame the “pt”, the “ne” and the “ml” corps/profession for trying/attempting to force myself to take my “mn” though coercion, as when I was at the “hl”, the “ne”s, guards and “pt” used physical force/abuse when they first attempted to give me the “mn” that I refused to take, whereas they physically attached me to a bed through abusing/forcing my physical body to be in a position where I would be powerless while they “id” within my body the “”ml”” substances that they obliged me to take even if without my consent. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge against the “pt”s, “ne”s and “”ml”” corps for having abused me when I was staying at the “hl” last year, where I was held within seclusion for days after days because of my refusal to take the “mn” that they wanted/were adamant for me to take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to detest the “hl” and the “ml” corps because of the bad experiences of abuse that I experienced when I was held “captive” within my stay at the “hl” last year, instead of realising that I am responsible for the bad experiences that I had at the “hl” through my simple acceptance and allowance of such a behaviour coming from the authority figures of this world, whereas I accept and allow myself to abuse and control those who are subservient to my power whenever I am placed in a powerful position, such as when I play games where I am winning, as I then accept and allow myself to treat others as being “less than me” in exactly the same way as what I was treated like when I was staying at the “hl”. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I do the exact same thing as those who had abused me when I was in the “hl” when I am placed in a powerful position with another, while I maybe do not use such physical abuse as I was the “victim” of when I was at the “hl”, but using abuse nonetheless within my expression/behaviour/non-verbal behaviour/attitude towards those who are not in a powerful position, such as those who are “losing” within games that I participate in with others – such as the mind games that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with others, wherein the price is the energy that one can steal/gain from another within mind games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as being a victim of the “ml” corps, because of my obligation by “ct” “or” to take the “mn” that has been “pd” to me by my “pt”, instead of realising that I am the creator of that situation wherein because of my acceptances and allowances in me participating in games of winners and losers, that I thus automatically accept and allow such experiences as those of being seen as a “victim” of another’s will and that for me to stop myself from those acceptances and allowances within myself, that I have to apply the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so that to make sure that I do not accept and allow myself to participate within such games where I feed the system of abuse as the system of the world, and bring about a new system that stands for what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for LIFE, Equal and One with all living beings.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as the game of power as the gain/loss of energy that I play with other human beings, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as games of power, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “feeling powerful or a victim” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of being a victim to another’s will/or, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of powerlessness, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Yesterday, I went to my monthly check-up at the “hl”. Like I already mentioned in some of my previous posts, I have been diagnosed as being a bipolar back in the year 2003, and ever since last year, I have to go to the “hl” within monthly check-ups in order for the “pt”s and “ne”s to verify if the dosage of “mn” is right within my “bs”. So, yesterday was one of those check-ups whereas I was checked to see if the right amount of “mn” was in my “bs”.

What I have to mention regarding those check-ups is that ever since last year, I have been suggested by the “ct” to take “mn” for what the “ml” profession perceive as being for my best interest – because I have then revealed to them that I did not regularly take my “mn”. The reason for that “ct” suggestion was because of the fact that last year I experienced an emotional turmoil which sent me to the “hl” for 3 months wherein I have been issued a “ct” suggestion to take my “mn” because of behaviours which they judged as being a menace to my wellbeing and the wellbeing of others = bullshit. Within those 3 months at the “hl”, I received different dosage of “mn” in order for the “pt”s to determine what would be the best dosage for my particular case. So, it was determined before the end of my detention at the “hl” that I would have to take 2 types of “mn” to treat my “ml condition”. However, the “mn” that is given to me generates side effects that are truly hard to live with – such has feeling comatose/confused almost all of the time while under the “mn”. So, what I have decided is to not take all of the “pd” “mn” – simply because of the negative side effects of some of those “mn” like what I have just explained.

However, the problem is that in order for me to abide to the “ct” suggestion, I have to go to the “hl” in monthly appointments in order for the “ml” staff which is attributed to me to verify the amount of “mn” in my “bs”, so as to ensure that I do take my “mn”. Earlier within my firsts appointments after getting out of the “hl” last year, I remained honest when I was asked if I took my “mn” as “pd”, so as to tell the “pt”s and “ne”s what I really did with the “mn” = which was not to take all of them. The problem with this honesty towards the “ml” staff however, is that it has always backfired whereas I would be moralised by the “pt” in him telling me that I needed those “mn” in order to ensure that I would not experience another manic or depressive episode, as they are convinced that my “ml” condition can only be treated byn “mn”. This doesn’t stand with me however, since I am convinced that the simple act of self-forgiving myself through the tools given by D such as self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, is enough for me to stop myself from participating within such experiences of “mind energy” and to re-align myself with the physical so as to stand for life instead of standing for the mind as energy. What I have specifically realised recently, after having applied myself within the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, is that my tendency to participate within positive or negative energies, have been extensively diminished, as I now tend to be more calm and stable within my expression, as I now stop myself from participating within the energies that were addictive to me in the past – such as the experiences of “high energy” that I regularly experienced in the past within manic episodes.

So, since the problem that I am now faced with is that I have to take the “mn” as per the “ct” suggestion – and that the “mn” that I am forced to take generates feelings/sensations of confusion and sleepiness within my mind – and that even if I have already told the “pt” and “ne” that the “mn” is generating negative effects within me, that they wouldn’t listen to me, telling me that I have to stick with the “plan” as the act of sticking to the “”mn”” that the “pt” “pd” to me, telling me that the negative side effects would subdue with time. However, this hasn’t been the case with me whereas I still to this day, feel confused/sleepy/comatose whenever I take the “mn” that is “pd” to me. Even if I have told the “pt” and “ne” of my problems with the “mn”, they wouldn’t budge within their conviction that the “mn” is the only solution for my predicament. So, considering that they have proven to me how close minded they are wherein they do not even show signs of listening to my complaints when I am being honest with them concerning the negative side effects of my “mn”, I am now being forced to lie to them when they are asking me if I take my “mn” regularly.

The only moments where I take my “mn” are the days which are just before my “bs” check-ups, which comes at the pace of about once per month. The reason why I do so is because I am the one who is experiencing the negative side effects of the “mn” and that the “pt” have no clue of what it is that I have to go through when I take the “mn”, because he have clearly showed no signs of compassion towards my situation when it comes to take the “mn”, being only concerned with his self-interest of selling me the “pn”. They are not the authority of me, I am. So, recently, I have stopped being honest with them (“ne” and “pt”) because they do not believe that I can stop myself from living/experimenting those manic/depressive episodes, being convinced that I am powerless within this diagnostic as they keep on telling me that the problem is because of an imbalance with the chemical reactions within my brain – and that there have been no scientific proof that one can heal himself/herself without the aid of “mn”. So, they keep on trying to convince me that the “mn” are the only thing which can “save” me from my “ml” condition = bullshit.

However, that doesn’t stand with me, as I am evidently the creator of that condition within my mind and that I am absolutely aware of being the onlyone responsible for my “ml” condition, as I am the one who fuelled the manic episodes when I lived them – and that it wasn’t something that is/was out of my control as what the “ml” profession wants me to believe. So, in order for me to protect my physical body/brain from the ill side effects of the “mn” – not forgetting the fact that the “mn” that I am forced to take have other side effects than those that I have already explained such as gaining weight -, I am forced to stop being honest with them and tell them lies such as telling them that I do take my “mn” everyday – which is false as I only take them on the days which precede my “bs” check-ups.

So, the problem I am now faced with is the dichotomy that I experience within myself in face of the fact that I want to remain honest with everyone as myself, but that because of the specific situation that I am living with within my relationship with the “ml” corps – such as I have explained throughout this post – that I have to lie to them as myself because of having to protect my “ml” and physical integrity from the negative effects of the “mn”. Since they have proven to me that they absolutely do not care about what I experience and live within the effects of the “mn”, being only concerned with their self-interest as determined by their profession and their blind loyalty to it, I have decided to lie to them so that I may continue not taking the “mn”, as I now currently am in control of myself through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application. I now actually see the difference within myself within the fact that I experience energy in a much less overwhelming fashion than how I experienced energetic reactions in the past. This gives me absolute confidence that the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application are actually working/changing me for the better as to become the living example of what is best for all life = not being controlled by energy. So, this equals no “mn” for me.

I will do self-forgiveness on this point in my next blog