The practical methods of stopping the mind within this process are the following:

  1. Self honesty in every moment – when a thought, feeling or emotion arise within you – to apply self forgiveness immediately
  2. Self forgiveness
  3. Self corrective application – to live self statements as who you are for that which you have applied forgiveness for – for instance if you did self forgiveness on judging another, comparing yourself to another, you make a statement which you live to not allow judgment or comparison within you again such as: I am equal and one as me – I do not accept and allow separation within me.
  4. Breathing

To be ‘free’ from the Matrix – is to be in this world but not be of this world – meaning that you are not defined as who you are according to anything or anyone in and of this world – but you stand absolute within you as you – not influenced, moved, controlled, directed by anyone or anything separate from you – this includes your own mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Question: Ok a question I have about these “energetic experiences that trap” Did I create these. my impression is that yes I did, but of a starting point that was not me as one as life.

 

Perspective: Yes – correct – you as the mind did create the “energetic experiences that trap” from a starting point of separation.

 

Question: However when i think of overcoming these energies or letting go of them, a point of separation emerges.

 

Perspective: Have a look: You’re already in separation with you by the mere example that such ‘energetic experiences’ exist within and as you.

Energy was manifested by the mind consciousness systems to understand and comprehend ‘movement’ through friction and balance. Instead of self movement in every moment as the totality of you – no energy requirement – you moving you within and as you as who you are through self expression in every moment.

It’s not ‘overcoming’ or ‘letting go’ of the energies – it is to stand within and as oneness and equality with ‘energetic experiences’ and from here ‘transcend’ the ‘energetic experiences’ through self forgiveness and application: Until no more energetic experienced exist within and as you.

Thus – when an ‘energetic experience’ steps forth – integrate it within and as the entirety of you: This makes the statement that you realise that you’re not separate from the energy – but one with the energy. Then – as you experience the energetic experience – apply self forgiveness accordingly and see where in your world corrective self application is required and you’ll ‘notice’ (once self forgiveness and self application is effective) such ‘energetic experience’ disappear.

It’ll disappear because you as the energy realise that it is not energy – but life, constant and stable within and as oneness and equality. Thus – you’re ‘showing’ the energy as you who you as the energy really is through self forgiveness and self application.

 

Question: Is it a complete detachment from these energetic experiences that trap that is needed.

 

Perspective: I’d rather place it in this way: It’s a realisation that’ll take place within and as you – as you place this energy within and as you – apply self forgiveness with self application – you will realise that you are indeed not of energy.

 

Question: How can we separate ourselves from anything? Whenever talking or thinking about the mind consciousness system, I am under the impression that it is not me? How could this be, if I am one with everything?

 

Perspective: The mind consciousness system is indeed not ‘who you really are’. At the moment it is yes – it is who you have come to believe and perceive yourself to be – but not ‘who you really are’.

Yes – it is not to separate you from the mind consciousness system – because we have accepted and allowed its very existence – this process is for you to realise that you’re not the mind consciousness system – but life within and as oneness and equality – but you’re also not separate from the mind consciousness system. Because if you view the mind consciousness system as separate from you: You’ll get nowhere and continue in ‘time loops’.

Thus – how does it work: Realise that in this moment you have accepted and allowed yourself to be of the mind consciousness system within and as you. Now as this mind consciousness system you apply self forgiveness together with self honesty in every moment, self application – to reveal to yourself as this mind consciousness system – that you’re not a mind consciousness system – but life within and as oneness and equality – just like you do with the energy.

In this – you as all that has ever existed within and as you as all that is of mind consciousness systems: Will realise who you really are of life within and as oneness and equality as the expression of you in every moment.

Thus – as you stand within and as oneness and equality with you – as the mind consciousness system – your starting point of you is within and as oneness and equality and thus self forgiveness and self application will be effective as you apply forgiveenss as the mind consciousness system – to realise who you really are as life as oneness and equality as the expression of you in every moment.

And this is a process – because for many years you have believed yourself to be this mind consciousness system – so – don’t be hard on yourself – take it moment by moment with every breath of self honesty and self forgiveness and self application.

Enjoy

The practical methods of stopping the mind within this process are the following:

  1. Self honesty in every moment – when a thought, feeling or emotion arise within you – to apply self forgiveness immediately
  2. Self forgiveness
  3. Self corrective application – to live self statements as who you are for that which you have applied forgiveness for – for instance if you did self forgiveness on judging another, comparing yourself to another, you make a statement which you live to not allow judgment or comparison within you again such as: I am equal and one as me – I do not accept and allow separation within me.
  4. Breathing

To be ‘free’ from the Matrix – is to be in this world but not be of this world – meaning that you are not defined as who you are according to anything or anyone in and of this world – but you stand absolute within you as you – not influenced, moved, controlled, directed by anyone or anything separate from you – this includes your own mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

ImageI forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be a vegetarian is to be a better person than those who eat meat, wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within games of polarity such as being “better than” those who eat meat while I perceived those who eat meat as being “less than” those who didn’t eat meat, instead of realising that my accepted and allowed participation within the polarity of the mind only reinforces my enslavement to the mind from within which I separate myself further into separation, rather than stopping myself from being enslaved by the mind through me stopping participating within such polarity manifestation through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, so as to become one and equal to the physical as life where there is no participation within whatever forms of polarity as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged those who eat meat as being “bad” because of the perception that this choice of lifestyle is in detriment to the animals and thus a detriment to life, because of the fact that one is not obliged to eat meat in order to survive, being that vegetarianism is a viable alternative to eating meat, whereas one can find all of the necessary proteins and substitute within being vegetarian and that eating meat is not necessary in order to survive in this world, instead of realising that being a vegetarian is not something which everyone in this world can afford as those who doesn’t have money and or are not in a position to be vegetarians have no choice but to eat meat in order to survive – such as the poor living in third world countries – and that the act of eating meat is not a “bad” thing as it is oftentimes the only available resource of food for the most of humanity. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that to be a vegetarian is reserved to the “elite” of the world, whereas only those who have the money or who are in a favourable economic system can be vegetarians, because of the realisation that not everyone can be a vegetarian as most of the population suffers from hunger and that the only available resource for food is meat. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to place myself within the shoes of another, such as the poor living in the third world countries who have no choice but to eat meat – wherein the hunger they are experiencing is so extensive that they will eat almost anything that is presented to them so as to relieve themselves from the hunger which is making their lives a living hell, and through realising that within equality and oneness, no one is better or worse than another  because of one’s eating lifestyle as we are all equally and one responsible for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become within this reality as the abuse of physicality in order to satisfy what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become as constant consumers of life as the act of being a vegetarian or being a meat eater is equal and one within the perspective that both need to eat life as the physical in order to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better about myself when I eat food based in vegetarianism instead of eating food based on the meat industry, because of what I have seen through the internet regarding what really happens within the meat industry – where it is seen just how extensive the abuse towards life as the animals is accepted and allowed to continue within the meat industry – and that from watching these videos such as “the earthers”, that I have decided to be and become a vegetarian only because of my desire to fuel positive feelings within and as the act of eating, because of the perception that being a vegetarian is “better than” eating meat, because of the fact that I do not at least participate within the abuse of life as the abuse of animals when I eat food based in vegetarianism – within this, I forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me seeing myself as being “better than” those who eat meat because of me defining myself as being a vegetarian, that I thus automatically accept and allow myself to judge those who eat meat as being “less than me”, thus accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarities of the mind, such as the games of superiorities and inferiorities, wherein I only further the “cancer of the world” as consciousness as the absolute separation from who we are as Life HERE within and as the physical, instead of stopping such participation within the mind as separation through me applying the tools of BREATHING, writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to become one and equal as the physical as life here within oneness and equality, so as to change my expression from one where I am conditioned/programmed by the mind to one where I am equal and one with the unconditional expression of who I am as the physical as Life eternal.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when I see an animal which is caged, because of the projection of myself within and as the animal whereas I project my sense of liberty within and as the sense of liberty of the animal, making me sad about the fact that my liberty would be confined to the limited space of a cage if I were to be the animal which is caged, instead of realising that because of me feeling bad/sad for the animal which is caged, that I thus automatically participate within feelings of goodness/happiness/high energy when I see an animal which is not caged, thus making me still subject to be controlled by the limited confines of the mind, such as the cage that I as the physical as life am in within and as myself, through the continuous participation within polarity such as feeling good and feeling bad which only furthers my enslavement to the mind as the illusion of myself, rather than stopping such participation within the inner limits of the mind through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to be and become the unconditional expression as life as me acting within the perspective of what is best for all life wherein no mind exist but only self-expression as life unconditional remains.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to love animals more than I love humans, because of the perception that animals give unconditional love whereas there is no condition placed by the animals for the attention/care/love they express to humans, instead of the conditions that humans place on the attention/care/love that they give one another, as the conditions of loving someone for their “beauty” or their “intelligence” or their “personality”, instead of realising that through me accepting and allowing myself to “love” animals more than I love humans, that I thus only further the separation as the selective mind through me accepting and allowing myself to “love animals MORE than I love humans”, thus still allowing myself to participate within the polarities of the mind as MORE THAN and LESS THAN, and that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within such polarities of the mind, that I will only further the system of abuse in this world through me generating friction as conflict as spite/blame/justification that I hold against humanity for not “loving/caring” for one another like the unconditional “love and care” that I see the animals giving to humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from humanity as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become as the system of abuse of the world, because of me seeing/perceiving myself as being “better than the rest of humanity” because of having defined myself as being a vegetarian, instead of realising that I am not “better than” the rest of humanity simply because i still continue to participate within the polarities of the mind such as “more than” or “less than” which only furthers the system of abuse as separation instead of stopping such participation within separation through me self-investigating what I have programmed myself into being as the mind as separation, through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to become the real expression of myself as all as one as equal as the physical as life, Equal and one with all living beings.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as feeling good or bad for the status of animals through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as games of polarity, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “feeling good or feeling bad” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of an animal lover, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of high/positive energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to my  “pt” because of the concern of protecting my own self-interest in not taking the “mn” that he “pd” to me, whereas the act of me acting upon my self-interest of not taking the “mn” is not a “bad” thing as it is me taking a stand for what I accept and allow myself to ingest/take within my human physical body whereas I am the authority of me in my world and the fact of me experiencing negative experiences while taking the “mn”, such as the feeling of drowsiness/comatose/sleepiness that overcomes me when I do take the “mn”, is enough for me to know that the substance that my  “pt” has “pd” to me in order to treat my condition, is not good for me – within which I have decided not to take the “mn” “pd” to me by my  “pt” because of those negative effects within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience negative energies within and as myself when I do take the “mn”, whereas I experience the feelings/sensations of drowsiness/sleepiness/comatose/zombie-like/confusion within myself because of the unconscious relationship as the chemical responses that my mind exercises through the intake of the “mn”, as my mind is still unconsciously manipulated by such substances so as to change the chemical responses within the activities of my brain, instead of stopping such unconscious reactions through me going into the depths of my mind constructs and stop those reactions through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to stop myself from reacting within the unconscious chemical reactions which generates those negative energetic experiences that operates whenever I do take the “mn”. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously/subconsciously react through and as the modified chemical responses within and as my brain whenever I do take the “mn”, whereas I believe/perceive myself as being powerless within the fact that I seemingly do not have control of the chemical responses/reactions that operates within my brain as I take the “mn”, since those responses/reactions operates within the depths of my unconscious/subconscious mind, instead of realising that I do have power and control over the chemical reactions/responses that occurs within and as my brain when I take the “mn”, because of being the creator of everything as myself, which includes the reactions/responses that are operated within and as all of the different layers of mind, such as the unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind, and that in order for me to change/stop the chemical reactions that operates within the depths of my unconscious and subconscious minds, that I have to work/look even deeper within myself as what I have unconsciously accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind, through the tools of self-investigation, writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy within myself when I answered the question that my “ne” asked me in orer to know if I did/do take my “mn”, whereas I felt uneasy/uncomfortable within myself because of me lying to the “ne” through me saying that I did/do take the “mn” while this was/is false – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself because of having lied to my “ne”, whereas I experienced a dichotomy as a friction within myself when I lied to my “ne” because of not being honest with the “ne” as myself and thus, experienced myself as being “dishonoured” because of allowing myself to lie to the “ne”, even if I knew that I had no other choice in the matter, as to tell the truth to my “ne” regarding the fact that I do not take the “mn” would only attract more problems for me to face with the “ml” corps/profession, as I have been issued a “ct” “or” to take my “mn” at the end of last year, whereas if I do not take the “mn” that I would have to face the dire consequence that they have reserved for me, which is to go back to the “hl” for treatment/containment, to which I do not want to happen to me. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the act of me lying to my “ne” is me taking a stand for myself through the statement that I do not need the “mn” in order to “heal” me, as I am absolutely confident in being able to “heal” me through my own personal application, such as through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, whereas the dependency to the “mn” to “heal me” is only a “crutch” that doesn’t in fact “change/heal” me, but only makes me “worse” within the fact that the “mn” creates a dependency to an outside source other than myself in order to “heal/save” me, wherein nothing outside of myself will/can save/heal me, as I am the only one who created this condition as being bipolar and that I alone can change/stop this condition within myself through me not accepting and/or allowing myself to participate within energies of the mind – no “mn” necessary/allowed as this would be me stating that I cannot change/stop me from participating within the energies of the mind, which is absolutely ludicrous as I am the creator of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and because of that, that I can create a new me which isn’t addicted to energy through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application and thus become a living example that proves to others as myself that one can change oneself without the aid of “mn” in order to become that which is best for all, as that which is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/spite/blame the “pt”, the “ne” and the “ml” corps/profession for trying/attempting to force myself to take my “mn” though coercion, as when I was at the “hl”, the “ne”s, guards and “pt” used physical force/abuse when they first attempted to give me the “mn” that I refused to take, whereas they physically attached me to a bed through abusing/forcing my physical body to be in a position where I would be powerless while they “id” within my body the “”ml”” substances that they obliged me to take even if without my consent. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge against the “pt”s, “ne”s and “”ml”” corps for having abused me when I was staying at the “hl” last year, where I was held within seclusion for days after days because of my refusal to take the “mn” that they wanted/were adamant for me to take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to detest the “hl” and the “ml” corps because of the bad experiences of abuse that I experienced when I was held “captive” within my stay at the “hl” last year, instead of realising that I am responsible for the bad experiences that I had at the “hl” through my simple acceptance and allowance of such a behaviour coming from the authority figures of this world, whereas I accept and allow myself to abuse and control those who are subservient to my power whenever I am placed in a powerful position, such as when I play games where I am winning, as I then accept and allow myself to treat others as being “less than me” in exactly the same way as what I was treated like when I was staying at the “hl”. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I do the exact same thing as those who had abused me when I was in the “hl” when I am placed in a powerful position with another, while I maybe do not use such physical abuse as I was the “victim” of when I was at the “hl”, but using abuse nonetheless within my expression/behaviour/non-verbal behaviour/attitude towards those who are not in a powerful position, such as those who are “losing” within games that I participate in with others – such as the mind games that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with others, wherein the price is the energy that one can steal/gain from another within mind games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as being a victim of the “ml” corps, because of my obligation by “ct” “or” to take the “mn” that has been “pd” to me by my “pt”, instead of realising that I am the creator of that situation wherein because of my acceptances and allowances in me participating in games of winners and losers, that I thus automatically accept and allow such experiences as those of being seen as a “victim” of another’s will and that for me to stop myself from those acceptances and allowances within myself, that I have to apply the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so that to make sure that I do not accept and allow myself to participate within such games where I feed the system of abuse as the system of the world, and bring about a new system that stands for what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for LIFE, Equal and One with all living beings.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as the game of power as the gain/loss of energy that I play with other human beings, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as games of power, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “feeling powerful or a victim” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of being a victim to another’s will/or, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of powerlessness, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

Yesterday, I went to my monthly check-up at the “hl”. Like I already mentioned in some of my previous posts, I have been diagnosed as being a bipolar back in the year 2003, and ever since last year, I have to go to the “hl” within monthly check-ups in order for the “pt”s and “ne”s to verify if the dosage of “mn” is right within my “bs”. So, yesterday was one of those check-ups whereas I was checked to see if the right amount of “mn” was in my “bs”.

What I have to mention regarding those check-ups is that ever since last year, I have been suggested by the “ct” to take “mn” for what the “ml” profession perceive as being for my best interest – because I have then revealed to them that I did not regularly take my “mn”. The reason for that “ct” suggestion was because of the fact that last year I experienced an emotional turmoil which sent me to the “hl” for 3 months wherein I have been issued a “ct” suggestion to take my “mn” because of behaviours which they judged as being a menace to my wellbeing and the wellbeing of others = bullshit. Within those 3 months at the “hl”, I received different dosage of “mn” in order for the “pt”s to determine what would be the best dosage for my particular case. So, it was determined before the end of my detention at the “hl” that I would have to take 2 types of “mn” to treat my “ml condition”. However, the “mn” that is given to me generates side effects that are truly hard to live with – such has feeling comatose/confused almost all of the time while under the “mn”. So, what I have decided is to not take all of the “pd” “mn” – simply because of the negative side effects of some of those “mn” like what I have just explained.

However, the problem is that in order for me to abide to the “ct” suggestion, I have to go to the “hl” in monthly appointments in order for the “ml” staff which is attributed to me to verify the amount of “mn” in my “bs”, so as to ensure that I do take my “mn”. Earlier within my firsts appointments after getting out of the “hl” last year, I remained honest when I was asked if I took my “mn” as “pd”, so as to tell the “pt”s and “ne”s what I really did with the “mn” = which was not to take all of them. The problem with this honesty towards the “ml” staff however, is that it has always backfired whereas I would be moralised by the “pt” in him telling me that I needed those “mn” in order to ensure that I would not experience another manic or depressive episode, as they are convinced that my “ml” condition can only be treated byn “mn”. This doesn’t stand with me however, since I am convinced that the simple act of self-forgiving myself through the tools given by D such as self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, is enough for me to stop myself from participating within such experiences of “mind energy” and to re-align myself with the physical so as to stand for life instead of standing for the mind as energy. What I have specifically realised recently, after having applied myself within the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, is that my tendency to participate within positive or negative energies, have been extensively diminished, as I now tend to be more calm and stable within my expression, as I now stop myself from participating within the energies that were addictive to me in the past – such as the experiences of “high energy” that I regularly experienced in the past within manic episodes.

So, since the problem that I am now faced with is that I have to take the “mn” as per the “ct” suggestion – and that the “mn” that I am forced to take generates feelings/sensations of confusion and sleepiness within my mind – and that even if I have already told the “pt” and “ne” that the “mn” is generating negative effects within me, that they wouldn’t listen to me, telling me that I have to stick with the “plan” as the act of sticking to the “”mn”” that the “pt” “pd” to me, telling me that the negative side effects would subdue with time. However, this hasn’t been the case with me whereas I still to this day, feel confused/sleepy/comatose whenever I take the “mn” that is “pd” to me. Even if I have told the “pt” and “ne” of my problems with the “mn”, they wouldn’t budge within their conviction that the “mn” is the only solution for my predicament. So, considering that they have proven to me how close minded they are wherein they do not even show signs of listening to my complaints when I am being honest with them concerning the negative side effects of my “mn”, I am now being forced to lie to them when they are asking me if I take my “mn” regularly.

The only moments where I take my “mn” are the days which are just before my “bs” check-ups, which comes at the pace of about once per month. The reason why I do so is because I am the one who is experiencing the negative side effects of the “mn” and that the “pt” have no clue of what it is that I have to go through when I take the “mn”, because he have clearly showed no signs of compassion towards my situation when it comes to take the “mn”, being only concerned with his self-interest of selling me the “pn”. They are not the authority of me, I am. So, recently, I have stopped being honest with them (“ne” and “pt”) because they do not believe that I can stop myself from living/experimenting those manic/depressive episodes, being convinced that I am powerless within this diagnostic as they keep on telling me that the problem is because of an imbalance with the chemical reactions within my brain – and that there have been no scientific proof that one can heal himself/herself without the aid of “mn”. So, they keep on trying to convince me that the “mn” are the only thing which can “save” me from my “ml” condition = bullshit.

However, that doesn’t stand with me, as I am evidently the creator of that condition within my mind and that I am absolutely aware of being the onlyone responsible for my “ml” condition, as I am the one who fuelled the manic episodes when I lived them – and that it wasn’t something that is/was out of my control as what the “ml” profession wants me to believe. So, in order for me to protect my physical body/brain from the ill side effects of the “mn” – not forgetting the fact that the “mn” that I am forced to take have other side effects than those that I have already explained such as gaining weight -, I am forced to stop being honest with them and tell them lies such as telling them that I do take my “mn” everyday – which is false as I only take them on the days which precede my “bs” check-ups.

So, the problem I am now faced with is the dichotomy that I experience within myself in face of the fact that I want to remain honest with everyone as myself, but that because of the specific situation that I am living with within my relationship with the “ml” corps – such as I have explained throughout this post – that I have to lie to them as myself because of having to protect my “ml” and physical integrity from the negative effects of the “mn”. Since they have proven to me that they absolutely do not care about what I experience and live within the effects of the “mn”, being only concerned with their self-interest as determined by their profession and their blind loyalty to it, I have decided to lie to them so that I may continue not taking the “mn”, as I now currently am in control of myself through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application. I now actually see the difference within myself within the fact that I experience energy in a much less overwhelming fashion than how I experienced energetic reactions in the past. This gives me absolute confidence that the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application are actually working/changing me for the better as to become the living example of what is best for all life = not being controlled by energy. So, this equals no “mn” for me.

I will do self-forgiveness on this point in my next blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to control others with my mind, whereas I would modify the frequencies of my mind through me practicing meditation within the goal of controlling my brainwaves, wherein I would when able to change the frequencies of my mind, control the reactions of others within the control of my energies – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was deceiving myself and others as myself through me manipulating my brainwaves in the goal of changing the perception others had on me through me changing their mind state as mirrors to the mind states I was busy manipulating/changing within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind/energies to control other’s mind/energies around me, wherein I would express myself through laughter and excessive reactions only so that I could influence the reactions of others when with my presence, whereas I would present myself as having “high energy” through me modifying the state of my mind when with the company of others, while when alone with myself I would experience myself as having “low energies”. The contrast between my behaviour when with others and my behaviour when with myself would mean that I was deceiving myself and others as myself through the false projection of myself when with others, in comparison to who I was when with myself alone, which were different expressions because of the desire to “control how others would think of me” that manifested within myself when with the company of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to control how others feel/think about me, wherein I would spend tremendous amounts of time in meditation in order to learn how to control my brainwave states so that I could control the brainwaves states of others, only because of the fear I had of knowing what others truly felt/thought about me – wherein I would practice meditation only so that I could learn techniques in how to control others through the mind, within the only goal/SOUL purpose to eventually be able to control others – all the while being driven by the fear of knowing what others truly thought/felt about myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the driving force behind my motivation to meditate was so that I could learn techniques to control others through the control of my mind state because of the fear of being “rejected” and unloved by others, instead of realising that effective self-trust and self-love is built and comes through self-honest self-investigation through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty wherein I apply myself to CHANGE so that my behaviour reflects what is best for all instead of what is best for only me as myself alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control the mind of others through the modification of my mind states wherein the control occurred within the mirroring of the behaviour/reflections of others towards my mind state, wherein I would project a dishonest image of myself because of the forced projection of myself to others as myself as something which I am/was not in fact as I was not in fact “high in energy” when with my company alone, but that this projection of myself as “high energy” was manufactured through the countless amounts of hours that I spend in meditating only so that I could reach levels of control of my own energies/frequencies within the only goal to eventually control others.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as high energy/positivity when with the company of others, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “low energy/negativity/depression” when back alone with the company of myself, which I absolutely do not want to experience any more.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind to control how others would feel about themselves when within my company, whereas I would deliberately project myself as being happy, whatever the circumstances, only to ensure that others around me would feel happy too, because of being dependant on the energies of others wherein I usually mimic the emotions/feelings/behaviours of others in order to have a “feel” on how I “feel” within my relationship with others around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest within how I present myself to others, wherein I would usually present myself as a false image of what I feel within myself only to make sure that I would fit within what was expected out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the “energy mind game” with others when I am within the company of others because of wanting/desiring that others see me as being a “good/happy person” because of the belief that if I am not perceived as being a “good/happy person” when within the company of others, that others would reject me because of not having a lot of things to give of myself other than the “good feelings” that I would manipulate myself into being only to ensure that others would perceive me as being a good/happy person, while I would feel like shit when I would be back alone with myself – wherein I would feel the reverse effect of the projection of myself as being a “good/happy/energetic person” through me becoming all of a sudden “sad/lonely/negative energetic person” because of having used all of my energies to make others feel good about themselves through burning high amounts of physicality as chemical substances within my mind, wherein I would give “all  of myself as energy” only to realise that, when back with myself all alone in my apartment, that the effects of this participation within projecting myself as “high energy/good/happy person” generated the feelings of “sadness/depression” because of not having been given the amounts of energy I gave out to others and thus realise when back with myself, that I have burned myself out for others while not receiving the same amount of energy in return.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I was playing within the polarity game of the mind through me projecting myself as having/being “high energy/good/happy person”, not realising that through me participating within this game of positive energy/projection as the mind, that I would experience the negative side of this projection as the “low energy/depression/sadness” that I would feel within myself when back with myself, all alone in my apartment through the realisation that I have burned myself out for other’s perception of me, which was all for naught because of always returning to the “low energy/depression/sadness” that I would experience within myself as being alone in my apartment with no one to share my energies with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the best that I have to give to others as the “high amounts of energy” that I can muster within myself for the benefit of generating a “good atmosphere” when around with others, wherein I would “energise my mind” prior to the moments where I would be seen with others, only to ensure that I would be perceived as having “high amounts of energy” as I have defined that state of myself as being the “best that I can give to others as myself” as a gift that I would force myself to project unto others, for the benefit of their good feelings and perception of me as being a good/happy/special person who has high energy thus is a good person to be around with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the desire to be perceived as being a good person to be around with, manipulates and controls me form within so as to become the projection of happiness/high energy even if that isn’t how I normally experience myself from within – only manifesting myself as having “high energy” when within the company of others to ensure that I have the best chance as being perceived as being a good/happy person that is beneficial to be around with, because of my unconscious desire to be “loved by others” and that the only way that I have found to be loved by others, is through me exerting myself as “high energy/positivity” at the cost of the deception as sadness that I experience within myself when back as being alone with myself – wherein I would feel depressed within myself after having expended high amounts of energy when with the company of others, only to realise that it was all for naught, as I am still to be found all alone with myself when back in my apartment – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me exerting/projecting myself as having “high amounts of energy” through me manipulating/energizing my mind prior to the moments when I am found with others, that as soon as I am to be back with the company of myself alone, that I will immediately experience myself as being negative/depressive/sad because of the re-occuring state/realisation that it was all for naught, as I am still all alone with myself, with no one to be around with within the intimacy of my home – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my state of mind be dependent on the presence of others, as I feel happy when with the company of others and sad when back alone with myself, instead of realising that what I have to do first is build self-intimacy, self-love and self-trust first through the tools of investigating myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the mind, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so that I stop my participation within the cycles of “high energy” that I project of myself when with the company of others, and “low energy” that I experience within myself when back alone with myself, and CHANGE effectively so that I stop participating within these patterns of the mind and bring myself back HERE as the physical as life as that which is best for all as what is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that every time that I accept and allow myself to project myself as having “high energy” when within the company of others, that I will automatically experience myself as having “low energy” as negativity/deception/depression when I will be back and alone with myself because of the secret mind desire as self-interest to “attract” a “female” to my home, wherein I would feel depressed/deceived/negative every time that this desire is not satisfied, which is almost all the time – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that every time I accept and allow myself to participate within such games of energy as the positive projection of myself as “high energy” in order to satisfy the secret desire to “attract a female to my home”, that the negative experience of myself as the realisation of doing all of this mind game manipulation for nothing, accumulates over and over and over and over again within and as my subconscious mind, whereas I experience the accumulated and layered negative polarity charge of this mind game which manifests within and as myself as deep levels of negativity/depression/sadness through the realisation that I have yet again failed at bringing a partner with me to share and live intimate experiences with at my apartment, whenever I find myself again and again and again all alone with myself, with no one to share my life experiences with.

Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me participating within such games of “mind projections” as me projecting myself as having “high amounts of energy” only so that I have the possibility to attract a female to my home so that I may not be alone anymore, is a game/pattern of deception that I maintain within and as myself because of deceiving others as myself within the projection of myself as being of “high energy” which is ultimately false as I normally am calm and stable within and as myself when I am alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise the pattern that I keep on participating within as the cycle of “high energy as forced happiness” turning into “low energy as forced depression” and then going back to “high  energy as forced happiness” only to return to “low energy as forced depression”, going on and on and on as cycles in my mind that I accept and allow myself to participate in because of the subconscious driven desire to attract a female back to my home, even if I know of the low chance of me succeeding, wherein I press the “reset” button every time a new opportunity of attracting a female to my home presents itself to me, because of the hopes that “this time will be the good one” even if my life has proven to me that “this time will be the good one” almost never happens. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all of this is a pattern that I have enclosed myself within and as the mind as a pattern of self-abuse that I keep on participating in because of the desires/hopes that I will eventually find someone to share my life with, within which I would deliberately manipulate myself and others as myself from within so as to project the best image of myself as possible so that others may feel good about themselves when within my company, only to realise over and over and over again, that it was all for naught as I almost never get anything in return for the burning of my energies engineered to attract others to myself, whereas at the end of the day, I always find myself back alone with myself with no one to share my existence with in intimacy – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self-intimate with myself, through self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to with self-intimacy, be able to take back the control of my life and stop being manipulated by the games of the mind that I know of being all for naught.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from entertaining others as myself through me projecting a false image of myself as that of having “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, while I would always experience myself as the direct opposite of that projection as soon as I would be back and alone with myself, whereas the negative energy as depression would always be experienced in full force every time I would be back and alone with myself – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/understand/realise the futility in me participating in such games of energy with others, through me being self-honest with myself through the time and time again realisation that I do this for nothing in return, whereas I only get nothing in return of all of my expenses/burning of myself/physicality to “please” others. I forgive myself that I  haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to common sense through me stopping such destructive/abusive behaviours to and towards myself through me stopping projecting myself as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others because of the constant realisation that I do all of this for nothing as I only burn myself/physicality for an energetic experience that never comes.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that as soon as I participate within feelings of high energy/positivity/happiness when with the company of others, that I automatically generate the feelings of low energy/negativity/depression when with the company of myself alone – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I absolutely do not want to experience myself as low energy/depression/negativity and that the only way to stop me from experimenting myself as low energy/depression/negativity is through me stopping my participation within high energy/happiness/positivity when with the company of others.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as high energy/positivity when with the company of others, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “high energy/positivity” when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as “low energy/negativity/depression” when back alone with the company of myself, which I absolutely do not want to experience any more.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire to use energy to control others” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the thought of “wanting to live experiences of high energy”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring experimenting feelings of high energy, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com