I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working in order to learn a living in this world, because of the fear of having to expose myself for who I am physically within professional relationships with other co-workers in a prospective working environment, whereas I constantly and continuously feed the fear of having to expose myself to other co-workers as myself within a working environment, because of the fear of being judged within a constant manner by those with whom I will potentially work with, wherein I have had negative past experiences in my past where I was negatively judged by those with whom I worked with because of the way I looked and behaved – instead of stopping myself from participating within those fears of re-living past experiences where I was teased and ridiculed for being me within a working environment, through the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so as to realise that I am not defined by my past fears/experiences, so that I may come to eventually work in a potential environment where I would allow myself to express myself unconditionally for the first time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use past experiences where I was teased and ridiculed within a working environment, as a definitive factor from within which I have used the excuse of the “fear of being ridiculed by others” as myself as an excuse that I have used in order to justify my lack of interest towards working, even if those experiences rarely and almost never occurred within my past experiences of working within a working/career-like environment, but where I have only used this excuse as a justification in order for me to continue as is, which is to continue within my current status of unemployment, rather than start moving my “weight” in this world and to start contributing to society within a job which suits what I have studied within my education so as to become a network analyst – even if such a job/work doesn’t necessarily stand for what is best for all as a reflection of the current system of abuse of the world, but that I nonetheless have to participate within so as to earn a living in the current status of the world system, before a new system which honours life in all ways is erected as the only viable system of the world as that which we at Desteni are currently busy bringing into fruition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the experience of fear within the perspective of having to “move my weight in this world”, within the prospect of having to actually work within the current system of abuse in the world – from within which I have used the excuse of “this current system of abuse as the world” to manipulate me into wanting/desiring not working in the current system of the world, because of the hypocritical stance of me not wanting to work in this world as it currently is, because of the fact that if I do work in the world as it currently is, that I am allowing myself to participate within the abuse as the current system of the world, which is hypocritical because of the fact that I am already responsible and accountable for the current system of abuse as the world, through all of my acceptances and allowances from within which I have believed myself to be and become such as the limited expression of me as the mind as the participation within energy and polarity manifestations such as “good” or “bad” – instead of realising that I am equally as all as one responsible for the state of the world as it currently is as the system of abuse, through my participation within the mind of abuse and illusions, and that in order for me to actually stop this system of abuse from being manifested in this world, that I have to first and foremost stop my participation within the activities of the mind, through the use of BREATHING, self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to CHANGE what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, so that I can reshape myself into an expression as life as that which is best for all life, so as to eventually bring about a system as a world which is best for all life, as the REAL heaven on earth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing myself to others within a working environment, whereas I secretly feed within the secrets of my mind, the personal fears that I have of actually having to show myself to others within a working environment, without the apparels as the specific clothes that I wear in order to distinguish myself from others – which won’t be allowed within a working environment – and to allow me to protect myself from the possible negative reaction of others within the fact of seeing me without my “protective apparels” wherein I would thus be perceived as what I fear to be perceived by others as myself, which is to be perceived as being ugly – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my fear of being ugly, within the fact that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by that fear whereas I fear being seen by others without my hat, because of the fear of being judged as being ugly through the fact that I am losing my hair, and through this, that I fear of being rejected by others as myself and where I will have to spend most of my time alone within the working environment, such as was the case in the past with some of my working experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others as being ugly, because of the fear I have of being rejected by others, and thus the fear of having to spend my time alone in a corner within my working environment, as was the case in some of my past working experiences because of not “fitting in” with the “working crowd” – instead of stopping my obsessive fears of the mind of being perceived by others as being ugly thus being rejected because of my appearance, through the tools of breathing, self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to CHANGE what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become through the filters of the mind, so as to release myself from the fear of being rejected by others because of my appearance, and to allow myself to express myself unconditionally within the presence of others within a working environment, so as to stop myself from being controlled/manipulated by the fears of the mind, and to actually become the self-directive principle of me in my world for the first time, within my re-alignment to who I truly am as life as the physical as the self-honest expression of who I am HERE within and as stability as the physical as life, equal and one with all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the image of a prison to the experience of working within a working environment, whereas I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the working environment as being a prisoner from within which my actions are limited to the extremes of only complying to the allowed behaviours of the limited scope of a working environment – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define “freedom” as being equal to the expression of myself without limits or constraints, such as the limits and constraints that comes from working within a working environment, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a prisoner when I am to be found within a conventional working environment – instead of stopping my participation within my definitions of what freedom is, through stopping myself from separating myself from the word “freedom” through me becoming equal and one with the physical as life, through stopping my participation within the mind of illusions and separation, through the tools of Breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to re-program/re-script myself into behaving and acting within the scope of what is best for all life, so as to finally CHANGE the system of abuse that we are all equally as one responsible for – through our acceptances and allowances in our participations within the mind of illusions – and to finally bring about a system where every living being has a dignified life within the principle of oneness and equality through birthing ourselves as life from the physical, so as to finally bring about heaven on earth, as what it should have been from the beginning.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within the fear of working, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within energy, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.
If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “fear of working” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of “fear of being judged by others”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.
I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of “fearing being judged by another”, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.
I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.
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Scripting myself into what is best for all - Alex's 7 year journey to Life 
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