I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire taking drugs because of the belief that drugs will help me like my life more, wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to desire taking drugs because of the appeal to have an “extraordinary experience” in relation to how I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive my reality, such as that of being a “boring” reality because of the fact that I judge my life as “not entertaining enough”, instead of stopping myself from seeking and desiring to take drugs through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as a slave to the mind’s programming, and from there, stop myself from participating within the patterns of the mind through the tools stated above, so that I can change what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a slave of the mind, into becoming one and equal to life as the physical, where no mind is necessary to function.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by past experiences where I have taken drugs, because of the pattern of me looking for “extraordinary experiences” that would make me perceive my life differently, wherein I would look into my past for experiences that suit my prerequisites so that I could find something somewhere that would allow me to experience my life “differently” because of the lingering feeling of boredom that overshadows my perception of my reality, instead of stopping myself from participating within the patterns of the mind where I would look into reproducing past experiences for the sole purpose of “entertainment” – discarding all the care in the world for the consequences of such an abusive behaviour – through me using the tools of writing daily in my blog, breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application in a CONSISTENT fashion so as to make sure that I do not fall back into past abusive behaviours and re-align myself into becoming a responsible human being who stops acting only for the purpose of self-interest, and start acting within the interest of what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “try” a drug that I have “taken” in my past because of my inner desire of wanting to “experience something out of the ordinary” that would take me out of my “feeling of boredom” and into a “feeling/perception” of a “drug induced alternate reality” where I would see and feel my life differently than that of being bored, instead of stopping myself from participating within such a destructive behaviour through me applying the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application in a CONSISTENT FASHION so that I change my ways IN FACT so that i stop myself from allowing myself to take such substances in the future as they are dishonest and abusive in nature and are not one and equal to LIFE. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within behaviours which are abusive towards the physical as life as who I truly am, only because of the lingering programming within my mind which seeks to only satisfy the sole interest of myself, wherein I would disregard the consequences of my actions at large, because of the appeal of “self-gratification/pleasure” that is at the heart of the mind’s programming, and thus CHANGE what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the slave of the mind who only reproduces the “sins of the fathers” that have come before me, so that I become equal and one with life as all as one as the physical, where the abusive mind as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become through copying and imitating those that have come before me, and re-birth myself as life as the physical so that I become a responsible human being IN FACT, where my actions would be made within the consideration of all life, equal and one with all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be misguided by my feelings of boredom, whereas I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back within past abusive behaviours, such as taking drugs, because of my lack of self-will and self-dedication towards myself as life, where I would allow myself to think of myself as not being able to CHANGE MY ABUSIVE WAYS because of the fact that everyone around me continues on with their abusive ways, regardless of the progress that I might have made within the application of the process – and that if I am to see myself move or about to move within the desire of reproducing a behaviour that is abusive in nature, through me allowing myself to “forget” about the “common sense” of a dignified living, because of allowing myself to be influenced by those who are around me – instead of stopping myself from allowing myself to be influenced by those around me who are not applying themselves in order to change, and to continue applying the tools of writing, breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application in a CONSISTENT FASHION – day in and day out – so that I truly and in fact change all of the abusive patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into, and stop myself from reproducing them cyclically within my life, and re-align myself to a pattern of living which is supportive towards life, so that I may return to who I truly am as life as the physical, so that I may serve as an example to others as myself of what it is to be a responsible human being who acts within the interest of all living beings, so that a dignified life for all may become a reality for all.
To be continued tomorrow…
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Scripting myself into what is best for all - Alex's 7 year journey to Life 